Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Day 567 - Learning from anger

Anger is a huge problem in our world and for ourselves as life. Anger should not be a part of life in fact. It shouldn’t factor into the purest definition of life, the definition of life that is best for all. Anger separates life through conflict, through violence and through death. It is so far from life. It is a hindrance to us becoming real life, the best life for ourselves and others.

Anger usually happens in moments. It’s not usually a long-winded thing. Which one might say is a ‘good’ thing, but those short bursts/moments of anger can be so overwhelming, not only for the person possessed by anger, but the others involved too, that the consequences are still massive.

It is so so SO necessary for each of us to stop and breathe through the emotion of anger energy coming up inside of us. Because once we allow that anger emotion energy to take hold of us, that’s it. The anger energy directs us and we cannot SEE clearly as beings here after that happens. And so we act upon anger and in turn do things that 9 times out of 10, we regret. We regret these moments of anger, because we can see that it is DEFINITELY not something we’d do if we were CLEAR, if we were STABLE and of course if we stopped and BREATHED through the moment of feeling this anger energy inside of us.

Anger is something I’ve personally dealt with a lot in my life. I’ve had many many fits of anger/possession in my life. I’ve broken things, used hurtful verbal language and lashed out within physical violence. I do regret these things, but I don’t hold that regret against myself as a type of leash on my neck that is holding me down/holding me in one place. Instead, I turn that regret into something that I can learn from, and I have. Why else am I writing this and stating the facts? Because I know why I acted like I did in anger possession.

I investigated anger. I investigated energy. I investigated possessions. The mind, emotions, feelings. Thoughts. And not only that, I investigated specific moments and memories of these anger-fuelled altercations/events. And I gained the most amazing insights from WRITING. Something simple as writing. Writing and breathing. Breathing and writing.

Then, RELEASING through self-forgiveness and commitment statements.

I can safely say that I’ve learnt from my past/these past personalities/possessions. I still have a long road to walk in my process, but the main thing is that I’ve learnt. And the more I learn, the easier it’ll be for me to STOP in these moments of energy and breathe through them and bring myself back here to my physical body where I can see that I must stand as life and enjoy with other life as what is best for all, effectively.

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

Day 566 - Oh, they are also coming?

This relates to when I believe I know/have been told/generally know who is going to be somewhere with me, but then there is a twist in the tale..and things have changed close to these plans playing out and/or at the last minute/second where then others are coming along for the trip that I obviously did not foresee. It's then that I feel disappointed, because I had envisioned this get together with CERTAIN individuals, as opposed to certain individuals PLUS OTHER individuals. And within that mindset/frame of mind, I have to suppress this desire to already not look forward to this get together.

It should not matter WHO or HOW MANY are involved. Those are all external factors to who I am as stability. How about, the more the merrier? Yes. Or even if less, still cool. If my enjoyment or fun was based on WHO or HOW MANY are involved, then what - I am obviously looking externally for my enjoyment/fun.

So I am still not LIVING enjoyment/fun.

I commit myself to LIVE enjoyment/fun by approving of and appreciating the body that I'm in and allowing myself to enjoy each moment that I get to be here and be alive with either myself or with others.

I commit myself to expand my own enjoyment/fun to others via means of extension/expansions so that others can share in the enjoyment/fun which is what is best for all.

I commit myself to take pleasure in ALL that I do, from cleaning, to watching something, to playing a game, to talking to someone, to talking to multiple people, to walking, to being in nature, to eating, to sleeping etc.

When and as I see myself looking for enjoyment via others/objects and such, I stop and breathe. I realise that to rely on external anythings for enjoyment is to accept disappointment. Thus that is why I commit myself to live enjoyment/fun in each breath I take.

Day 565 - Can I retain info?

I've had beliefs that I can't retain information/general things that are said to me. I mean I can certainly remember some things, but I DO sometimes forget things. Or something happened so long ago that I can't remember exact details.
I see this all as 'normal' - I mean, nobody can remember every day of their life/every moment of their life in 100% accurate detail!

Yet when I struggle to remember these moments and small bits of info, I get down about it and believe that I can't retain info/my memory is not good. Thing is, having this mindset is making this manifest and so work against me as memory/remembering things for real. As soon as I release this belief, I will be able to remember things better/I also won't be WORRYING about whether I will remember/retain this info or not, it'll simply happen as is and I will be able to remember most things.

And within this, I also see as evidenced here..that the LESS mind I allow to direct me, the easier it'll be to retain/remember info. But that is a process in itself obviously, that is but one benefit of walking my journey to life!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't retain info.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that with this mindset of belief within not being able to retain info, I have allowed myself to manifest this belief and so make it real whereas in these moments in reality, I actually DO forget things, because I keep fuelling this energetic belief of struggles when it comes to memory - though if I am to release this belief, then I will certainly be able to remember more clearly/vividly as the physical.

When and as I see myself believing that my memory is shocking/that my memory is failing, I stop and breathe. I realise that I have allowed myself to obsess over this belief to the point of making it real/actual. I commit myself to stop believing this, because there is no evidence of it.
I commit myself to understand that nobody remembers EVERY single small detail/moment/day, that is just impossible.

So I commit myself to not get down about things that I cannot remember exactly, and to just keep walking and freeing myself from my mind so that I will improve my memory as the physical without the mind.

Sunday, 22 May 2016

Day 564 - Flirtathon

There's this part of me that desires to flirt with the gender that I am attracted to. Instead of forming bonds and relationships, I am more interested in the flirting aspect - and within that usually attempting to be funny for the sake of laughs. So, making jokes and that, like that is the starting point, to be funny/flirt to get 'somewhere.' There's no doubt that this is programmed within me. This desire to be appealing to a gender. To get 'somewhere' - that is to get sex, really.

I can say to myself that it is not for sex and that it is to do what should be done as I mentioned earlier, forming bonds/relationships, but then I am lying to myself. It's evident to me that the end goal is sex.
And it's something that just comes over me, when around the gender that I'm attracted to and this 'need' to 'be funny.' And it's absolutely NOT something that is real/physical, it's something I have to FORCE. I have to force this funny aspect. It's unnatural. It's tedious.

And then after a while talking/being with the person, there's the thoughts of having to reach these funny heights and to keep being funny and/or to keep up the flirtatious ways, whatever they are. And it is absolutely fake and false. It is me being and accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my mind, within and as energy. It is without wanting to create something real and genuine. It will not be forced as the mind if it and if I am real and genuine. There won't be this pulling need to be a certain way and make sure I reach these heights if I am 'myself.' If I am stable. If I am here and nowhere else. I am just complicating matters for myself if I'm not here as the physical. And I am just playing the game, the mind game of sex/desires if I am forcing this character of flirtation and sex to exist/come to the forefront.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I HAVE to bring this funny/flirtatious character/personality to the forefront as I speak to a gender/person that I am attracted to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force jokes and this funny persona/character upon myself and so upon others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to show people the REAL me as the physical, as stability and as a genuine human body and that is all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to exist as the flirtatious/funny/appealing character/persona as the mind and as energy/desires/programming and as sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire sex as the mind and as energy/energetic rush.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see sex akin to the holy grail in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that sex is but ONE aspect of relationships, of intimacy, of enjoyment, of sharing - amongst MANY methods/ways of these things and within these things - and none are needed/necessary over another and so on, but are here to be used by one based on one's own decisions and choices and that is all.

When and as I am with/speaking to the gender that I am attracted to and feel energy coming up within me of wanting to put on the funny face/persona/character, I stop and breathe. I realise that this is FALSE, I realise that this is FAKE, I realise that this is ENERGY, that it is the MIND. I commit myself to in this moment, to speak and act as I would the physical with the gender I am NOT attracted to, and so that is just as me, as a physical body, as communication, as socialising, as creating/increasing the bond, the relationship through REAL and substantial means/methods as I am HERE.

I commit myself not to lead on people as the mind and energy.

I commit myself to show the gender that I am attracted to, the REAL me, the ONE and ONLY me - because there is only one me as the physical.

I commit myself to be funny/use jokes etc in the moment and as see necessary as the physical, and so without forceful mind energy.

I commit myself to treat life as life deserve to be treated.

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Day 563 - Acknowledgment/recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire acknowledgment/recognition from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to rely on acknowledgment/recognition to conclude to myself whether what I did/said was 'good' and/or acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base acceptance on things external of me.

I realise that as soon as I put the reliance on something external to satisfy myself, I give up any self-acceptance that I have/should have in what I do/say as me and so without the need to require external acceptance/acknowledgment/recognition.

When and as I see others acknowledge/recognise what I said/did and I desire to go into a state of energy dependent on the type of feedback I got, I stop and breathe. I realise that what I did/said for myself/others is who I was in that moment, and so whatever type of acknowledgment/recognition I get from it, if any, I can use as a marker to then alter myself/what I did/said and/or assist another dependent on the feedback received, but it is to change whatever it is if necessary/assist from a physical starting point and not a right/wrong energetic starting point.

I commit myself to read/see/hear the feedback/acknowledment/recognition and then STOP, and then BREATHE and then PERFORM ACTION because that way I can be clear in the action I take AFTER acknowledging/recognising whatever it is from another and within this, simply do what I see here is necessary to be done as the physical.

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Day 562 - The washing machine

So there is these washing machines in my house that are quite new. I’ve never used them before. Reasons were they were very small. They were too complicated to use. And I preferred washing in bulk, as in..in a bigger washing machine. Which is why I’ve either washed my clothes etc at a Laundromat or at another’s house/using their washing machine.

Anyway, it wasn’t working so well for me. For starters I had to pay to use the Laundromat as expected, but it was more expensive than I thought it was. Also, it required a certain payment which was somewhat of a hassle. I’d have to keep going to the bank to get the correct coins. And I could have kept using the washing machine at another’s house, but that was also ‘out of the way’ I thought. I also tried washing my clothes etc in the shower lol, which did not work out so well. It was difficult to get rid of excess water.

So I finally tried one of the 2 new washing machines. And it was SIMPLE. I was afraid that it was ‘too confusing.’ It’s one of those fancy looking ones. Like touch screen/panel etc. But I put in my clothes etc, put in the washing liquid and had a GOOD/PROPER look at the panels. I literally had to press ONE button to get it going. I pushed ONE button and it automatically set the temperature, some other settings and also told me how long it’d take. 14 minutes.

And..DONE. How surprising. I haven’t tried the other one yet which did look a bit more complicated, but hey, it’s interesting how things apparently ‘look’ complicated, but then when we do them/at least ATTEMPT to do them, we realise/make sense of it. In the moment/as the physical, we kind of put 2 and 2 together and come up with the solution. That is what I’ve found heaps in my life. Like the mind makes a big deal out of something which when physically altered/when one physically moves is actually so easy/simple to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do/use something because from an initial look as the MIND and so as ‘complex’ I didn’t want to try using something because I basically concluded that I could NOT operate it, even though I had known my other housemates could operate it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to at least attempt/try something, because I see, realise and understand that as the physical/in the moment, things actually begin to make sense. Why? Because there’s at that point nothing ‘stopping’ me from going through with something. I realise here it’s also related to ‘force.’ Because here I knew that the other options were far from ideal and this was thus my best option/preferred option, so I sort of forced myself to do this. Force isn’t always a good thing, definitely not, but here I was thankful for it. It was a degree of force that made me FINALLY decide and attempt/try to use this washing machine.

And as I mentioned, in the moment it was the most basic thing I have ever used lol. More basic than the most basic toaster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately see things as complicated/complex based on the amount of buttons, controls and technology.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that generally the newer the technology, the easier something will be to use/do.

I commit myself not to fear using technology and/or things with lots of buttons/controls.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate ‘a lot’ of something/things with complex and complicated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire simple/basic things/use of things in my life.

When and as I see myself not wanting to attempt/try something because it is seemingly complex/complicated/involves too much technology, I stop and breathe. I realise that if I DON’T try something in the moment and give it a go in the moment/as the physical, then I’ll basically see it ‘in the distance’ and so as something that is just too difficult to use/do. It’s not until I get up close and personal and actually do something in the moment/as the method, that I can really gets hand on and really try to figure out how to do something.

So I commit myself to allow myself to get involved with things so that I can actually KNOW whether I genuinely can’t/don’t know how to do something OR if I can’t do something based on the mind/my associations with complexity/complications and buttons, panels, technology and them all being ‘too confusing.’

I commit myself to embrace past and presents technologies, because that way I learn how to do both things/in both worlds so to speak and obviously that can assist me for future things that I do/see/come into contact with in my life – so either way, whatever is ahead of me, I can use it to grow as a human and as necessary information for self and others.

Friday, 6 May 2016

Day 561 - Futile

I've seen this word recently in my life. That my life is futile. That I am futile. That it is all futile. This word is very defeating, in my instance very self-defeating. A sign of giving up, defeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my life as futile. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as futile. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see all that I do/want to do/have to do as futile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up before I even try/attempt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my existence as futile and so pointless, a waste. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to classify myself as a waste of space, of breath - just a number here on Earth, a living soul that is here to live and that be the only thing I be concerned with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just live/desire to live.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that as I remove this futile judgement from my viewing lense, I will be able to try more and attempt more and within this realise that I am not a waste as I judge myself to be currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the futile life of giving up and accepting/being self-defeat.

When and as I see myself believing myself/my life/all that I do/want to do as futile, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am in fact capable of great thing as the physical - I also realise that I believe myself to NOT be capable of great things as the mind. So I commit myself to continue writing and self-forgiving so that I slowly remove the mind/release points and get closer and closer to myself as the physical so that I can do great things and even take steps towards great things within and as patience.

I commit myself to realise that I am capable of great thing and life-changing things for all/the world, as we each are here.

I commit myself to work with others to increase the magnitude of change that is happening right now in the world. I commit myself to be a vital cog in the wheel of change that is necessary.

I commit myself to act asap, because there's no telling how long there is left to change ourselves/the world before it gets to the point of no return.

I commit myself to share more as an example, on Facebook, to share important/helpful articles and such that can/will assist others/change others for the best.

I commit myself to expand my inner change to outer change for another.

Thursday, 5 May 2016

Day 560 - Punishing people

I was considering whether it is acceptable to 'punish' people. Lol that word is a quite harsh word in itself. Basically I was considering whether it is acceptable to punish people IF they do not welcome/accept my way of doing things and/or the steps that I desire to take/see as best for myself. A punishment such as "Okay, now that you've failed to accept/see my way of doing things for MYSELF, I will apply a 1 month penalty of not seeing you." Lol. I mean, is this punishment/penalty type of activity necessary or even helpful?

Will it 'make' this person understand? I see now that it's a scare tactic, isn't it? Punishing/penalising. It's like I give them an ultimatum "Don't mention this/try to stop me from doing this..OTHERWISE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!" I don't see it as necessary. And there's certainly no guarantee that it'll work and the person won't ever bring said subject up again and/or try to change me.

So I see it as best to just let it go. I must be stable and politely say for instance that I am not interested in whatever it is/I don't see it as necessary for myself personally. I see here there is certainly an aspect of the other in "Well I've been on this planet longer/I am older and more wise/I've been there and done that/I know what is best." I see that in others who have this behaviour. Am I reacting to to this behaviour? No. I just see it as false, because it is lol.

Recently I realised that another phrase I say because I do not agree with another/don't see what they say as necessary - "I don't care." - Lol this phrase isn't a great one. I see that it implies that I have not/will not even consider what the other person is saying. Although personally, that wasn't the case when I said it, at least not lately. Mine was more like "I've heard this before, I don't want to hear it." So I see "I am not interested/I don't see this as necessary/beneficial for me." As the best things to say. Or one or the other etc.

I may have to repeat it a few times, but you know, it'll work eventually, I know it.