Tuesday, 7 June 2016
Day 571 - Desire for something more
I cannot be accepting of myself if I am in constant desire for something more. Here is how I see this: Through desiring something of myself or even something that I see can 'add' to myself/my life, I see that it renders my CURRENT life/situation as low or not reaching some standard as desire that I have. This is definitely an unhealthy thing, because as I said earlier, I am not accepting/have not accepted me as I am here with what I have here NOW, and from my experience, I then participate within emotions as a state of depression/sadness - PERHAPS until I have this desire as me/in my reach, but even then, another desire will come along to pull me back to depression/sadness.
Specifically in relation to process and self-change, I can ALWAYS be something more. So there is a realisation of that as desire, a desire to be better, a desire to be more - I see that this can work in a constructive way in terms of pushing myself to write for instance, to keep bettering myself. But that should be a simple decision simply as what is best for all. And not a DESTRUCTIVE desire, like "I have not reached my potential yet, I am a failure." That is obviously destructive and resembles what I tell myself as my mind.
It is mainly that, that I want to focus on, desire for self-betterment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire destructively in terms of self-judgment/neglect of in fact how I've ALREADY changed thus far in my process.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use desire as something simple, as a step, a decision - to write every day, to better myself in fact.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire potential and a self-betterment that has not yet happened for me/as me as a destructive desire as self-judgment of not being there yet - here obviously failing to realise that process is not fast.
I commit myself to use desire as simplicity, as a step and as a choice/decision to write. I commit myself to use desire from a starting point of being calm and considerate with myself, a calm step/decision to write for self-betterment, SLOWLY.
I commit myself to utilise patient desire as taking my time with myself and with writing.