Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Day 574 - Wanting to satisfy others only

Everyone has their own unique ways. For instance and this is the reasoning for this writing, cleaning. Some are the type that want everything to be spotless. Like absolutely clean. Whereas another might just do what they can type of thing but not be longing for that spotless clean. And then another might not give a shit at all haha – and just be cool living in a state of uncleanliness.

Which here is the best one? I say the do what one can do type. Yes, keep things clean, but don’t OBSESS over it to the point of every speck of dust being an issue. That is too far/much.

Anyway. I’m the type that cleans and likes to be clean, but not to the obsessive point. Though another that I was around was the obsessive type. Now, here I see that depending on location and what is being used if it BELONGS to the one that is the obsessive type, then it can be necessary to do what suits them as the obsessive cleaning because it is their belonging-type thing, BUT when it is a neutral location for instance, then there is certainly no need to satisfy another’s conclusion of obsessive cleaning, no.

Yet, I did this. I succumbed to this. I saw that I was satisfying others and not satisfying myself. I see that I’ve allowed this individual’s ways and such to direct me in terms of a fear type of thing. Well yes, a fear. A fear of not being clean enough/perfect enough as obsession. This was directing me.

But it’s not only with cleaning, this can be anything. So in general, I see that yes, if it is a person’s items/location for instance, then it IS their rules. Absolutely. But if it is a neutral location/items being used by me, then it’s just my own rules. Simple as that, really.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow another’s obsession to direct me despite a neutral location.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see who owns/pays for the items/location etc to then do what is needed for the satisfaction of who is involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give ‘power’ to another through wanting to show them/show in general that I am doing what satisfies them which I realise only gives them impotence to continue an obsession/their own ways of doing things, which is not what I want.

So I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fuel another’s habits/ways as obsession and as the mind.

I commit myself to do things that satisfy myself/my own needs/wants in general/where I can.

I commit myself to do things that satisfy others where necessary.

When and as I see myself desiring to satisfy others needs in a neutral location with neutral products, I stop and breathe. I realise that here I’ve accepted and allowed fear to direct me of what another will think if I am not to do what satisfies them. I commit myself to do things under my own direction/rules.

I commit myself to embrace satisfying myself/my own wants and needs.

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