Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Day 578 - A slave to authority

Even though I am now an adult and thus in the system am allowed to make pretty much all my own decisions, well no, I can make my own decisions, when it comes to the parent-character, I feel as if there is this overriding authority that I have to listen to and/or take seriously. And I see this still exists as leftovers of the program of parenting and authority when it comes to the parent over the child.

And I see this is a big reason why I believe I cannot progress forwards in terms of being self-directive as myself. Because I keep feeling like a slave to parent-authority figures. Almost like it is a requirement to do so, to be under parent-authority for life. It's definitely a hindrance to me, as sometimes I see that I want to make a decision, but then I stop and participate within my mind and backchats of if a parent will agree with this decision I make, or, what will they think of this decision I make - then "No, wait, I must make sure the decision suits them, too. They are my parents and have a degree of authority over me and what I do and what happens in my life, even now despite me being of age to not require any external authority to do anything in my life."

So I will write self-forgiveness here about feeling a slave to the parent-authority figure that was established and so programmed within me from birth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate as the slave character under parent authority that I see I must still be, when in reality it is just me brainwashed by parent-authority figures and not being able to make my own choices and decisions from my younger days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the requirement to cross-reference my own choices and decisions with what I believe my parents would want in a mind state of "Will they accept this decision, how will they seem me if I take this path?"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to externalise my authority to my parents within the belief that they are forever attached to me within an authority-over-slave like mentality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to break the chains of parent-child authority that was established within me from birth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from exploring and evolving because I continually felt the weight of being a slave/having a parent-authority figure hanging over me.

When and as I see myself believing that I am not capable or 'allowed' to be the directive principle/the one and only directive principle of myself in what I do and want to do, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am the only directive principle of myself, and any thoughts otherwise are via my mind and in this case programs from birth as the parent-authority figure having control over me and making decisions for me and on my behalf.

I commit myself to be the one and only directive principle of myself and thus of all that I do and choose to do.

I commit myself to create a self-directive authority from myself that does thus not have to be 'checked' by a parent-authority figure or any type of authority that does not require authorisation in the world.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that any 'chains' that exist and hold me down/back from doing what it is I want to do or want to be are only chains established in my mind and not actual chains that exist in the real world, so I commit myself to continue breaking these fake chains so that I can push myself in the real world to do what it is I truly want to do.

I commit myself to make decisions based on what is best for all, realising within this that I am the authority, the self-directive authority over my own decisions.

I commit myself to utilise my control for what is best for all.

I commit myself not to allow 'ghosts' as I call them from the past as the parent-authority figure come up within me in the physical and direct me/the choices I desire to make.

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