Thursday, 23 June 2016

Day 580 - Insecurity


As you can see by this photo that I recently took, my jaw is quite misaligned in relation to the rest of my face. I have had quite a lot of insecurities about this, because it is not symmetrical and/or as aligned as the average person’s face. And within this backchats come up in my mind that I am a freak, that I am deformed, that I am retarded etc. After investigations, I’ve realised the reason for my misaligned jaw could be either down to my participation in the mind over the course of my life and/or myself as the physical and conditions such as breathing through my mouth for most of my life, probably to deal with the asthma that I used to have.

In any case, it is what is here now, it is me and at this moment, that is all. It may or may not align itself more accurately further down the line, through bringing myself back to my physical self and/or practicing breathing through my nose, but I can’t ‘wait’ for that, if it is to happen. It’s about accepting what it is here and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a freak, deformed and retarded based on the misalignment of my jaw in relation to my face.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to desire to ‘wait’ until/if my jaw becomes more aligned in relation to my face before being satisfied or feeling comfortable with my whole face in general.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally accept my face as what it is here and now, which means to accept the misaligned jaw in relation to my face.

When and as I see myself desiring to judge myself as a freak/deformed/retarded based on the misalignment of my jaw in relation to my face, I stop and breathe. I realise that I’ve associated negative energies to and as these words as separation. I commit myself to accept that yes, my face is deformed, yes my face is not perfect, yes my face is not symmetrical, though realising that this does not at all stop me from doing anything as the physical, it ONLY if I allow it, stops me from doing things in the physical if I allow my mind to direct me as self-judgment.


When and as I see myself associating the words freak/deformed/retarded with negative energies as separation, I stop and breathe. I realise that these words as negative energies are hurtful and inconsiderate and only create separation. So I commit myself to redefine them into something that is best for all.



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