Sunday, 26 June 2016

Day 582 - Desperation

Desperation and wanting to keep something that I rarely encounter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do something because I see that it’s something that I rarely come across and so within desperation, I stick to it NOT as the self-directive principle and so NOT as control – which I see in reality is a hindrance to me and an obstacle, because it’s not actually what I want or SHOULD be doing as the physical.

I forgive myself thus that I have accepted and allowed myself to still rely on another to fulfil me in some way, shape or form. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require a certain individual to be something more or to reach my potential as something or someone.

When and as I see myself desiring to keep something external happening/going at the expense of being my self-directive principle, I stop and breathe. I realise that it’s times like these as writing here, that I release these things that stopped me from being my self-directive principle. I realise also that here I Investigate why I was not being my self-directive principle.

I realise that I am still looking externally and in another in this case for enjoyment. I realise that I MYSELF give myself the realest means of enjoyment, because enjoyment is what I make of it. So I commit myself to be the self-directive principle of myself and thus all that I do in movement and control and thus also within enjoyment and enjoying everything I do as a self-directive principle.

I commit myself not to allow past memories of attachments to others and reliance on others as the mind and thus of believing I need someone/something to enjoy or to be the person that I want to be.

I commit myself to continue working on self-enjoyment as the self-directive principle of myself and all that I do. Within this, I commit myself TO enjoy time with/speaking to others – as self-enjoyment, not as reliance-enjoyment and not as necessary means of enjoyment.

I commit myself to even out the things that I do in my life, so that I do different things. I commit myself to allow myself to experience different things through time management/being here and aware of the physical time I spend on activities and such.

I commit myself to take breaks/rest when needed/when I see is appropriate for my physical body to rest.

I commit myself not to believe I must do things for another at the EXPENSE of myself as the self-directive principle that I am of myself.

I commit myself to breathe and move as the one and only self-directive principle of myself.

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