Monday, 4 July 2016

Day 585 - Identity crisis


I had these thoughts last night that I don't know what/which 'person' I am or appear to be according to others that know me. Like, am I the funny one, am I the quiet one, the loud one, the crazy one, the random one - or a combination of these? And I feel like I HAVE to choose one of these identities so that others are easily able to..define me.

And within this, this rush belief that I must do this fast, I must choose this one identity fast, for others to define me as/by. If I want to be defined as anything, it's the stable one I suppose. Lol. But as the mind, I don't think that'll come in to play, the definition of 'stable.'

So I ask myself now, how do I see myself currently? I see myself as in process, I am continuously working on myself to really reach stability. I am a work in progress, undoubtedly. I see it as unnecessary to limit myself to one type of 'identity.' Even as a stable being, I can be funny, I can be smart, I can be quiet, I can be loud lol. I can be anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must define myself/my identity as something for others to 'know' what I am or who they are dealing with so that they can in turn speak of me or make decisions on involving me in activities and such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to limit myself as identity/definition of one/few words.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be what I am currently and as a work in progress, in process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must choose one path that I must go down/be for identification purposes.

When and as I see myself fearing that others can't pinpoint who or what I am as identity, I stop and breathe. I realise that it's not about being a singular/few definitions as identity - I realise that I can be all apparent identities or words or definitions. I realise that I am in fact unlimited in potential and so who/what I am in a moment, I realise that it always comes down to the physical body here, as stability, as Equality and as Oneness - and this embodiment/being can be funny, can be smart, can be to the point, can assist etc.

So I commit myself to be what I see is best in the moment in the conditions that I am in.

I commit myself to work with what is here and what is in each and every moment in what I am/who I am/what I am doing.

I commit myself to keep working and furthering my process to life and learning along the way.

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