Friday, 22 July 2016

Day 588 - Changing my reference point

It’s interesting. Today I did quite a lot of study work. It is the due date of my assignment. Actually, I was really surprised how much work I ended up doing. I’ve been aware of this assignment for 2 weeks now, so I’ve had this amount of time to do it. I’ve basically been doing parts here and there in reference to the due date. As in, I knew I had x amount of time, so I only did x amount of work. When I look at it now, and after how much I had to do/ended up doing today, I wish I spread out the work more.

So I look here at why I thought that today’s amount of work would be quite short. Well, I just thought it would be fast to write up etc. But it turned out I had to change quite a lot of it to suit other parts of the assignment and so on. So here I see it’s the things that I cannot foresee, really. Like here I was unaware that I required to change quite a few things for the assignment to work in the end. I assumed the rest was all ready to be submitted for assessment, but not at all.

So yeah, here is the unknowing part. It’s not until I do something in the moment that I realise “Okay, now I see that won’t work, so I better change that.” So this idea of how much I have left is NEVER accurate. So I see here that the due date should not be the thing that I am exclusively looking towards. It should be the work itself. Because it changes and requires different things depending on the moment/the here.

So I have to just do it, do it and do it, and then it will become clear to me as I do it, what has to be done for real, and the more I do it, the more in fact I’ll be able to balance it out in terms of how much needs to be done/how much I can do at a time etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do work in relation to a due date exclusively, rather than doing the work and from there realising where I am at/what needs to be done for real/real time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that it’s not until I do things in the moment, that I will have a clear understanding of what needs to be done and thus how long it may take – point is, the more I do, the clearer it becomes, and the more I hold off on it, the hazier it becomes.

I commit myself to do the work and from there, see where I am at and how much needs to be done.

I commit myself to work on things real time so that I can get a grasp of what actually needs to be done/how much time it’ll take etc, just getting a clear/real picture of what has to be done for real/actual.

I commit myself to expect uncertainties.

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