Thursday, 28 July 2016

Day 589 - UM?

expressing hesitation or a pause in speech.
"anyway, um, where was I?"

That is the definition. After making vlogs, I've seen/realised how I often say this word - um. Is it hesitation, is it a pause, is it both? Well, at least lately I've seen how it's a pause. I've had some negative reactions so this word/when I say it, despite realising that it is a pause. Negative reactions because I believe it is unprofessional, it is too casual, like it is not proper wording. I've seen/learnt how others do not/only sometimes use this word, and instead they just stay silent. That is the difference I've seen. So the pause happens, I mean, the pausing is a natural thing, really, nobody can speak constantly without stopping or taking a moment/breath.

So when I make vlogs and/or am generally speaking, is it necessary to avoid this word and instead stay silent? No it's not necessary. There are simply 2 ways (or more) of pausing. Of course it's something I can try - I shall write self-forgiveness first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word 'um' as negative wording, as unprofessional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word 'um' as childish, that only children use it, and thus believing it to be something an adult should not do, because I should have 'outgrown' it by now.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that pausing is a necessary function whilst speaking/at some point, and there are various method of pausing, including using the word 'um.'

When and as I see myself desiring to judge this word within negativity, I stop and breathe. I realise that it depends on my starting point of using this word, is it hesitation and so is it fear, is it nerves, or something related, or is it a pause, as I've realised of myself lately.

I commit myself to use the word 'um.' I commit myself to also use silence. I commit myself to use both methods of pausing. Within this, I see, realise and understand that staying silent during speech/as pausing is not a negative thing either, which I've also believed. I see that using the word 'um' is also my means of showing continuation in speech/conversation, that I still have more to say, that the conversation is not over, that I am still speaking, you know?

So here I also see it depends on the circumstances/scenario. Maybe it is appropriate to use the word 'um' for continuation, it can depend on the audience. If it's a vlog, well, the type of pause does not matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is one correct way of pausing. I commit myself to utilise all methods of pausing and see what works best in a scenario, do what I see is necessary in a scenario in terms of pausing, and practice both methods/other possible methods of pausing.


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