Friday, 26 August 2016

Day 597 - Appeasing all personalities

I was hanging out with a rather reserved/quiet person, but when we spoke 1 on 1, they spoke more. When I was in a group of differing personalities, I felt this need to appease all personalities that were in that group, including the reserved/quiet personality. There was a quite loud/open personality. So initially I was talking to this person openly about things on their level so to speak 1 on 1, then this reserved/quiet personality entered the room, and another similar personality.

Here I sort of held back more. I wasn’t as open with this loud/open personality as I was when it was just them and I speaking. I wanted to ‘show’ this reserved/quiet person mentioned first, that I was this type of person, too, or, that I generally am this reserved/quiet person as well. So it’s like I want to appease to each personality and I alter my words/how much I say based on who is there/who is not there.

So I see this as not helpful, for me mainly. Because I am not staying true to myself so to speak. Why must I ‘prove’ this and that? It’s not about proving anything or showing that I can be quiet or loud etc, it’s just about being my normal self, no matter who or what is involved. See, so here I see that I am still changing myself based on who/what is involved, trying to suit/appease certain people/personalities. And this just makes it confusing/forced for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change what I say, how much I say, what I am, who I am dependent on who or what is involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must ‘prove’ that I am this or that character so that THAT character will ‘feel better’ about being able to speak to me/be with me generally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stay true to myself as the physical and so as singular in the sense of being one, one with myself and my body and so one as output of what I say and how I act/do etc.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I can be singular and STILL appease to all. I realise that appeasing to all comes from within me as a starting point of Equality and Oneness, and so it remains the same for ALL.

I realise that yes I can ‘alter’ somewhat, at least to SUIT that particular personality IF it means making them more comfortable, but if it means sacrificing myself/suppressing myself/what/who I am, then it’s not going to work out for me and I will be confusing myself and others as to what/who I am with these changing characters endlessly.

When and as I see myself desiring to suppress myself as words and actions for the sake of appeasing to another because I believe I have to show them a certain ‘me’ or prove that I am a person they can talk to/be with, I stop and breathe. I realise that altering slightly to suit individuals is fine, for them to feel more comfortable, usually in 1 on 1 situations, but when it comes to groups there is no need to alter, because there are various personalities surrounding, so the best thing to do is to be myself so to speak and not worry about being this or that way to appease.

I commit myself not to appease to personalities to proof or show that I am this or that way.

I commit myself only to alter SLIGHTLY AS the physical in terms of being on their level/with them to assist in communication etc if necessary.

So I commit myself not to appease within my mind and wanting to prove/show another that I am a certain way or not a certain way.

So as I said, I commit myself to appease physically. This can mean talking less or more, talking quieter, louder, changing topics and so on, because different personalities will warm up to different ways/methods/actions/words/topics.

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