Monday, 31 October 2016

Day 606 - Using the shit moments as gifts

Sometimes a shit moment hits me, a moment where I am really feeling the effects of a point and I allow it to direct me. And within this I think to myself “Fuck, why did this have to come up now, why not at a more ‘convenient’ time?” – so here, I mean, points can come up anytime/anywhen.

So it’s certainly not about when a point comes up, it’s about the decision I make when the point comes up, that being in participating or not participating. There are bigger points and smaller points that I’ve noticed within my life. Those that have the POTENTIAL to affect me more and those that are not so potentially affecting. The points that have the potential to affect me more are the most vital ones for me in making the decision not to participate within and as. I mean, same with the smaller points, but as I said, I find it easier already with the smaller points, it’s the bigger points that I find not as easy to not participate in.

So instead of seeing a bigger point come up within me as an inconvenience, whether based on the time, who I am with etc, I simply must make the decision to not participate in it.

I can use/utilise this bigger point coming up within me to make a STAND within the decision I make of NOT allowing it to direct me, NOT allowing myself to participate within it, and then proceed as the physical. These are very key moments. It’s the realisation that despite this point coming up for whatever the reason, I immediately get rid of it so that it does not affect me at that time.

And doing this time and time again, coupled with the necessary writings will eventually get me to a point of well, removal of this particular point/pattern. So it’s about training the physical body to not participate within anything that the mind serves up. It’s about creating a physical rhythm of STAND and of STABILITY. Fuck yes, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes resilience, but it’s the only way to overcome years and years of programming as patterns within life.

I commit myself to always stand within the shit moments, so that I train my physical body to stand and remain stable within all moments that I encounter and develop a rhythm/routine of standing and stability as my physical body so that I can overcome all and anything that comes my way.

Day 605 - Stupid/meaningless writings


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Sunday, 30 October 2016

Day 604 - Fear in missing details

So whilst writing my Desteni I Process Pro assignment, I was concerned with leaving out a lot of detail. I see why this is, is because for starters I wanted to do it right/correctly. But it got to a point where I was obsessing over trying to, in this particular occasion, recall every single instance of a particular memory. This is simply not always possible. So I put unneeded and simply unrealistic pressure upon myself to recall every tiny detail.

My DIP Pro buddy assisted me in realising I was going through this point of fear of missing details. Slowing down is the key in bringing the memories back in detail, but even so, I can only recall so much. So here I see it best to simply slow down, breathe....recall what I can recall and that is it. I do the best I can in that moment, and obviously any potential improvements I can make, I make them at a LATER time. But the important thing is in that moment I did the best I could to my ability, that is key and that is what matters at any given moment in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over recalling every single tiny detail of a memory – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this is actually possible, as if the memory only happened hours ago or the day before.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply slow down, breathe as well as I can at any given moment in time so that I can recall memories and/or do what I have to do generally to the best of my ability and then leave that as is, as a conclusion. Only LATER can I perhaps improve on this, but here I am going through changes/learning so I am constantly changing/improving myself and how I do things and so that is a given that I can possibly improve my work.

So here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can basically ignore the learning process and just be ‘amazing’ at something right from the start, when this is simply not the case, it is unrealistic, it is a lack of patience.

I commit myself to be patient within my change/improvement as life and simply just add things as I go along to what I do.

I commit myself to perform to my utmost potential at any given moment in time so that I within this instantly am aware that I am giving my best of what I currently know as who I am here, and NOT be concerned with who/what I COULD be in future, even if in near future. So here I commit myself to gleefully accept/take onboard changes/improvements I can make to myself and thus all that I do as life, day by day, week by week, year by year.

When and as I see myself concerned that I am not doing the best job that I can do in something, I stop and breathe. I realise that I am doing the best job I can do, and that believing I can be anything ‘more’ or do ‘more’ is the mind’s way of not accepting who/what I am in and as that physical moment in time. So thus I commit myself to accept that what I am as the physical in any given moment is ALL that I am. I am nothing more and nothing less.