Thursday, 3 November 2016

Day 607 - Feel like I can’t fit in if in Desteni group

So I look at this title and realise that I mean, this is something of well, what SHOULD happen lol. I see the mind is also at play here in belief that I can’t fit in with others etc as well, though. But generally speaking, and as I’ve realised, you know, everything is different after studying the Desteni material. From how one speaks, to how they act, how they do things, anything, it has a different impact on every little movement.

So within this, absolutely, it’s much different to the ‘old me’ and the average person. There is no getting around that. If I was HOPING to be able to relate more or fit in more with others, then I’d participate more within and as ENERGY. Like doing stupid shit to get laughs or impress, drinking alcohol heavily, taking drugs, not only that stuff..talking about a bunch of pointless shit lol, talking for the sake of talking, communicating because silence is apparently ‘awkward’ – so we force talking to ‘avoid the apparent awkwaredness’. You know, stuff like this.

But absolutely I DON’T want this or want to be this. I’m actually aware now. I don’t want to be this energy-driven being who is doing so for reasons to impress, to be liked etc. When stability exists and within that, no energy, there’s no need to do this pointless shit as I’ve seen/realised.

So for me it’s just the belief I can’t fit in without energy. I absolutely can, but it IS different. It SHOULD be different. Different for me. I’m a different/new person, someone who is aware. Someone who is direct. Real. Honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot ‘fit in’ with others because I do not want to participate within and as energy – forcing conversation, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, saying shit for the sake of saying shit, avoiding ‘awkwardness’ or silence for the sake of it.

I see, realise and understand that me being different now is to do with awareness, stability, here-ness, physical and most of all, minus the mind and it’s STRONG influence over us and of course myself for most of my life.

So I commit myself to ‘fit in’ but DIFFERENTLY, thus as awareness, stability, as the physical, without the mind, yes it’ll be different, but it is meant to be, it’s a totally different way of being, thus all is different as my output. So here I see, realise and understand that DIFFERENT does NOT mean BAD or WRONG. Different in this case is actually NECESSARY, it is real, it is stable, it is physical, it is awareness.

I commit myself to embrace my new self for the benefit of all. I commit myself to embrace my DIFFERENCES as the best version of myself that I can be. I commit myself to delve into unknown territory as to discover, to learn, to BE. I commit myself to do different, different to my usual mind-influenced patterns/ways of doing things as I’ve been accustomed to.

I commit myself not to desire friendship and such and so within this desire to participate within energy for sake of friendship. This is means of wanting company, of loneliness, of desire.

I commit myself to continue standing/learning/embracing life as myself as all that I ‘require’ to be here in life, though not to disregard/neglect others in any way, shape or form, but simply as to correct my starting point so that I can build relationships/friendships etc as something cool, as something beneficial for both involved/mutual, as enjoyment, as learning, education.

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