Friday, 4 November 2016

Day 608 - Delaying the inevitable




I used to ATTEMPT to do this very frequently. At school it was when I had an oral presentation in a week...2...however long. And to 'cope' with my strong reactions towards this as fear, nerves, worry, anxiety, I'd 'pretend' as if it's a long way away. DENIAL. SUPPRESSION. And also I'd try to 'have as much fun' while I'm 'free' from having to FACE this oral presentation and thus FACE MYSELF!

This is but a single example in my life, but the way I handled it is the same for all future-things I didn't want to do.
So I've felt this way again recently to an extent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can avoid/run away from the INEVITABLE.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face myself as what comes up inside me in relation to dread, fear, worry, anxiety.

I commit myself to investigate my relationship to things and REMOVE the patterns that direct me to be fearful, worried, nervous, scared in relation to future things.

I commit myself not to 'enjoy' time before the activity as if cramming in as much enjoyment as possible to 'feel alive' and to 'feel happy/good' before 'getting to the shit stuff' that beholds me.

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