Tuesday, 15 November 2016

Day 615 - Boy


Today was a pretty good day. Cooking. Computer room/study. All in all, well. Something I did react to was being referred to as “boy”. When I hear this, I immediately get a bit agitated within myself. It’s all because of how I see myself, and specifically seeing myself as not-adult/not-adult enough. And within this, more kid/teen-like.

There are a few reasons for this. The socialising aspect. Generally I’m not big on socialising. Not because I ‘hate’ it or people lol, but generally I like my alone time, I like my own company, but yes I do enjoy speaking with others, but as I’ve spoken about before, the common ground/mutual aspects must exist. So those, + the talking not as force, only when ‘needed’ or real/legitimate, and ya it can be seen as antisocial blah blah etc.

This coupled with how I dress.

So these are both points I’ve written out before, but evidently require further writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively within myself at being referred to as “boy” by another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a boy as a negative thing, as if a boy as a child is a negative thing. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s wrong/mean for one to refer to me as boy and that it is an insult from them/attack on me, when in reality it’s just my relationship with the word ‘boy’ – the negative energies/relationship I’ve associated with ‘boy’.


I commit myself to accept myself as a boy, as a man, as a human, as a person, whatever relevant label/title or other label/title and go with it, because my reactions to whatever word only show me, me/myself and what I need to work on/release.



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