Thursday, 17 November 2016

Day 617 - Photogenic

The definition of photogenic is “(especially of a person) looking attractive in photographs or on film.”

In my life I have HATED photos lol. I always felt uneasy about them. As soon as it came time for someone to hold up a camera and then me and/or others and well me having to stand there/sit there, whatever it was and wait until the photo was done, was a moment I dreaded.

What went through my mind as I waited for photos to happen/be taken were “How will I look after this photo is taken?” “I hope I look okay.” “What if I look stupid?” “What if I look ugly?” “What if I look weird?” “What if my smile/laugh looks fake?” “What if I don’t look genuine/real?”

Things like this.

Really funny now that I look at all these backchats/words that go through my mind in that moment of waiting, because that waiting period is usually no longer than 10 seconds lol.

But that is what goes on. So in accordance with my participation in all of this chat within my mind, how of course not, I cannot possibly be ‘ready’ within my physical self for a photo, and that will in fact be NOTICED/SEEN after I see the photo output. I will know of resistance, of hesitancy, of friction, of fears. Pretty fascinating actually.

So of course my best bet is to have NO chat/backchat within my mind of questioning myself/what the photo will look like/how I look etc. I look how I look as my physical self. I have ONE look, I’m only one person. I can pull expressions and stuff, but it’s still me.
So going back to this ‘photogenic’ term/definition, I can only ‘look’ how I LOOK/AM. Simple as that. This ‘attractive’ part is meaningless. What I am is what I am, how I am is how I am, what I look like is what I look like, and so then I commit myself to not participate within chat/backchat within my mind of questioning how I will look in the photo/if I will look this way or that way in a photo, if I will be genuine/real.

I commit myself to simply BE with a camera infront of me.

I commit myself to express if I want to with a camera infront of me.

I commit myself to accept photos of myself as that is what I look like. 

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