Friday, 25 November 2016

Day 618 - How do I know if I am lying with my self-forgiveness?


I had this concern within myself that I could be doing this, and not knowing whether I am doing this or not (lying as self-forgiveness). For example, forgiving myself as a way of having something go my way or ‘feeling better’ – though by staying within the mind as desires and such.

So how can I know that my self-forgiveness, whether written, or saying within the moment aloud/to myself is self-honest? Well, I see that it comes to how instant it is. That being, if I am taking TIME to THINK IT OUT first, then it most likely is not self-honest and thus is a lie of sorts. What I see here is that yes, basically all of my self-forgiveness HAS been self-honest/said instantly/within a moment, though this whole point has come up as a fear within my mind, fear that I am lying as self-forgiveness, that I am ‘twisting facts’ or manipulating self-forgiveness as excuse/justification to continue down the same mind-directed paths and such.

Self-forgiveness happens in a moment, without hesitation or resistance. It must just be said directly in a moment. There is absolutely NO reason to have to ‘think’ about what one must say in a moment. It is already here. We know what we’re doing or not doing, we know if we’re being directed by the mind or here as our physical selves.

It’s about keeping it basic, really. It’s when we think at all, when we fuck ourselves up and make something more than it is/overthinking etc.

Thus..

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that self-forgiveness as it SHOULD BE happens instantly, in a moment, in breath, here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that self-forgiveness does NOT require thought, it simply requires saying, or writing, or doing, in a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my self-forgiveness has been ‘wrong’ or a ‘lie’ which I in fact realise is my mind’s method of attempting to gain back control/direction of myself and thus over my physical body in attempting to manipulate me/continue with the manipulation that I once allowed it to have over my physical body/direction as the physical.

When and as I see myself fearing whether my self-forgiveness is ‘legitimate’ – I stop and breathe. I realise that any self-forgiveness IN A MOMENT/INSTANTLY IS self-honest, it IS real, it IS what is required in a moment AS a physical response to a situation/moment.


Thus I commit myself to speak my self-forgiveness and write it instantly, in the moment to aid my physical body in getting back on course/the path as direction and thus minus the mind-direction/path that has led me to self-dishonesty over my life.



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