Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Day 603 - Doubting the power of writing/self-forgiveness


There has been one particular huge point for myself that I’ve had a difficult time overcoming/making large amounts of progress with to release this point. I’m talking a few years here. So within this few years, I’ve been writing it out/writing self-forgiveness, which has helped quite a bit, but not to the point of releasing the point fully/even near fully.

In the last year I’ve written about it here and there, but it has not assisted really. Only recently have I, on advice from another, simply been writing more, and here I’ve been writing about this point more, as in, A LOT, like quite a lot per day/week, different fragments within the huge point. And no, not only self-forgiveness, also just writing it out, writing out the thoughts, the patterns, which is still a massive help I realise.

So what I’ve realised is if I were consistent, thorough, deep with my writings – this point would not have been so huge for me at this point in time. Already in the last month I’ve written a lot about it and have seen massive and genuine progress to release myself from this point.

So another thing I’ve realised is that it was never about writing itself/self-forgiveness  itself as the ‘issue’ – but simply about MYSELF and how I was using it, or in this case NOT using it, so me not using it to potential/as I could have been was the only factor in me not making giant strides forward to overcome this point/release it.

And it is simple. Writing is so simple. Self-forgiveness is simple. And it’s all so effective. So my advice to anyone in the same boat as me, is to just write the fuck out of a point. Write all day if that’s what it takes. Write as many entries/topics/titles per day as possible. And it does not matter if it’s not self-forgiveness specifically, because any writing will help, guaranteed, but remember, as I have realised, to be consistent/thorough/deep all the time. ALWAYS.


Because this is when results and actual progress of change will be seen. Never give up. The tools are with you, so simply change your starting point of using the tools so that the effect is maximised ten-fold. Enjoy!



Saturday, 24 September 2016

Day 602 - Am I directed by fear as the mind, or by genuine knowledge/information/know-how as genuine research and investigation?


I have seen how a lot of the time when it comes to things, actually, mainly in regards to possible diseases and illnesses and symptoms and side effects, that I am doing so based on fear within avoidance.

Like eating habits, I am so fearful that I’ll get blah blah blah, so I don’t eat that, instead I try to eat healthy – fruit/vegetables. OBVIOUSLY this is a GREAT thing in terms of my own physical body/health/benefit, but there is a huge difference between doing so based on FEAR and doing so based on HEALTH AND BENEFIT.

If I for instance eat healthy and avoid certain foods and/or in certain amounts as fear, then I have obviously NOT cleared anything within me, so this is still controlling me, this fear. Whereas if I clear this fear, then it is simple and there is no movement within me. I make the wise choice here. I eat healthy. And/or I eat no/only minor/irregular amounts of ‘other’ foods.

It should be a clear decision, whatever one I make. As in I know why I’m doing it, what I’m getting myself into, what will happen to my body etc, because I’ve investigated/researched.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions based on fear programming in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is fine to be directed by fear, because in the end, I still make the ‘same’ decision in terms of avoiding something in favour of something ‘better’ for me/my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s fine to have fear movement/energy within me and that I can make use of it for my benefit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that ANY energy within me MUST be stopped, otherwise I am not making physical/reality based decisions/clear decisions whereas I know why I’m doing it, what will happen etc.

I commit myself to research/investigate so that I KNOW of the reality of something, rather than just leaving it to fear which is just lack of research/investigation.

When and as I see myself desiring to make decisions whereas I KNOW it is based on FEAR, I stop and breathe. I stop here and reassess the situation, because I know that making decisions as fear, although ‘can’ be appropriate, are NOT clear/stable as the physical, so they are veiled in fear, as opposed to being clear/stable as I can actually see within proper/thorough research/investigation. So thus I commit myself to do my research/investigation THOROUGHLY and appropriately on topics and such so that I know I am doing what is best for all.


Within this, I commit myself not to see research/investigation as ‘tedious’ or ‘slow’ or ‘time-consuming’ – here I see, realise and understand that research/investigation, although does take time, will leave me in the best position possible, thus I commit myself to give time to myself for my benefit to be able to make genuine and informed decisions as what is best for all.



Saturday, 17 September 2016

Day 601 - Gossiping


I see that I’ve engaged in gossiping. Because there are things I say to one about another, which I would not want to/don’t want to say to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip about others to one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk about others in a negative way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed off energy of secrecy and secrets when gossiping and within this, feeling positive energy/rush within myself by doing this ‘in private’ and/or behind closed doors with another.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the shoes of the person being gossiped about whereas this is not a pleasant thing to know of and/or hear if I were to know/hear of it/others speaking negatively about me.


When and as I see myself desiring to gossip because I enjoy the ‘rush’ within positive energy/secrecy/secrets and ‘not getting caught’ – I stop and breathe. I realise that this apparent ‘rush’ of energy within apparent ‘positivity’ as ‘feeling good’ is at the expense of REALITY of the situation of talking about another negatively, in a hurtful way, in an unpleasant way, in an offensive way – thus I commit myself to only play to the reality of the situation, and here thus I don’t gossip, because it is purely negative/hurtful/unpleasant/offensive – and the positive energetic rush is not real, it originates in my mind, it’s temporary, it’s egocentric.



Monday, 12 September 2016

Day 600 - Fear that breathing will change all decisions I have made and will make


This came about because I had taken a photo of myself and later on after breathing, well actually, yes. After breathing, I saw that I looked shocked/scared/fearful in my eyes, so I wanted to breathe, as I did and take another photo of myself. NOW, this is later on, when I feared that because this breath ALTERED my perception, that everything I’ve done basically and for the most part has NOT been in breath.

So I have not breathed multiple times before doing ANYTHING lol. But this is not what breath is for. Breath is for bringing myself back to my physical body WHEN AND IF I am in my mind. AND EVEN THEN, it’s not a life-changing thing. Now I am not disregarding/disrespecting the amazing power of breath here, all I’m saying is that it does not and will not make me change my decisions/choices regarding ALL that I do now lol.

So this is a funny fear I had last night. Breath is simple, it’s for bringing myself back. So in said photo I looked fearful/scared/occupied. Maybe I was trying too hard with the photo. I didn’t allow myself to flow/be stable through breath or generally. So I did it again and was happy with the results.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that breath is a simple movement for BRINGING myself back to my physical body and to get OUT of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe breath will CHANGE ALL that I do, decisions I make, paths that I take as if I were a completely different person, which is untrue totally.

I commit myself to utilise breath for simple but EFFECTIVE reasons of bringing myself back to my physical body in the times of REQUIREMENT.


I commit myself not to see breath as any more than that.



Thursday, 8 September 2016

Day 599 - Home based activities


When people ask me what I’m doing on a weekend for instance, I usually only speak of the things such as going out, socialising with others. Or even studying. Like things that people ‘look up to’ lol, which I find funny now. Generally people like to spend weekend doing the things they love/enjoy, and that for the ‘average’ person is spending time with others. So if I am doing nothing or have nothing planned (lol there I go again, ‘nothing’ because I plan to stay home) then I just say “not much” usually.

But there’s nothing at all wrong with usual home based activities. Even if I do them daily, or during the week. It’s not a requirement to be with others all weekend etc or when I have ‘free time’ or do this or that, study, work etc. And so I’m here forgiving myself for seeing home based activities as not worth saying/noting because I see them as too common, boring, samey or average.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see home based activities/being at home on the weekend/any day as boring, average, common, repetitive, lame.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to say what I am doing, even if at home, because I see being at home as a negative thing, when in reality it’s simply another place to be, with multiple methods of enjoyment/things to do, just as is being outdoors and/or with others, just different forms for different needs/wants and that is fine.

When and as I see myself feeling ‘bad’ or ‘guilty’ for staying home/doing home based activities on a weekend/when someone asks me, I stop and breathe. I realise that it’s NOT a requirement to go outdoors and be with others etc on any day or at any time etc. I realise that it’s 100% fine and appropriate to stay home, to do what I like doing at home, even if I do it often or commonly, because the fact is I like doing it/enjoy doing it, and that is all I myself require – it does not matter if another sees it differently/sees what I do as boring/repetitive/tedious/common etc.


I commit myself to see, realise and understand that home based activities and/or being at home is JUST as cool, equally, as anything outdoors and/or with others – it’s just a different form/method of enjoyment, of doing, of acting, of saying, of speaking etc. Thus I commit myself not to judge myself at all for doing home based activities/enjoying them. I commit myself to continue doing what I enjoy/I like to do, no matter the location, who/what is involved etc.



Wednesday, 7 September 2016

Day 598 - When it comes to numbers..


Maths was ‘never’ a strong suit of mine. Though when I was 6/7 it WAS lol. Funny, that. Anyway, the subsequent years I struggled with maths, with numbers. With number language of any sort. I either failed or just passed these number-related questions etc in maths class.

Recently this has all hit me in my current study/assignment. I saw these numbers etc and I had to work out these sums etc. I went off what I Thought was right. Anyway, I think I DID get stuff right in terms of what I thought the questions asked of me. So I put that to bed, that I can’t work with numbers lol. I can, so it’s just a fear/belief, but within this I know I can learn more of course, never stop learning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t work with numbers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I struggle with numbers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will never be able to work with numbers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear numbers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t work out certain scenarios/questions because I just ‘don’t know how to answer it’ – when I realise that I can through stopping, breathing and slowing down, because I do know a lot, more than I thought I did.

When and as I see myself believing that I am simply incapable when it comes to number-related questions/tasks etc, I stop and breathe. I realise that I’ve allowed these past experiences/failures etc of numbers in school etc to come up within me when I work with numbers in the present, hence the belief/memory that I suck when working with numbers.

I commit myself to work with the numbers presently infront of me/at that time with the knowledge of numbers that I DO have as learning/knowledge so that I can work the numbers out in what is required.

I commit myself not to allow number-failures/memories to direct me when working with numbers in the present.

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