Friday, 21 April 2017

Day 672 - Concept of time

I have been starting work earlier than usual/the earliest I have ever started work – on a consistent level at least (a week thus far). The first day I struggled in the morning, I was feeling very tired, struggled to get myself together/ready etc to leave my house to go to work. But the night before this, I was REALLY, all I was thinking was “Uhh, waking up at 4 am, what a draaaaaag, this is gonna fucking suck!” And obviously that really did not assist when I then needed to wake up practically. So these thoughts that I allowed to come up within me, I allowed them also to take a toll upon me physically where I just was not looking forward to waking up at all so early and when I did, it was an accumulation of the thoughts from the night before – whereas, as I realised the night after, when I don’t have these thoughts about waking up early and it’s going to be a drag and suck etc, I wake up feeling fine, not tired, ready to start my day.

So this second morning as I said, I felt ready to start my day because I was not tired, I was not dreary etc. And what I found funny was that also because I wasn’t concerned with the time at all, I didn’t even REALISE it was 4 am/4:30 am etc as I was also getting ready/eating etc. It could have been 10 am, as I was feeling refreshed etc, so it was very cool and here is just another example of how the thoughts can affect. So my thoughts and worries of struggling to wake up/feeling tired/waking up so early etc as well as thinking about the time specifically as if it was a ‘weird’ time to wake up or an unpleasant time..or simply a time where all should be sleeping lol – I saw it very interesting that these thoughts/concerns within my mind just had no meaning anymore.

And the rest of the week was the same. Didn’t matter what the time was, and it doesn’t matter what the time is, it only matters about my starting point/what I do/who/what I am. And yes I see that goes hand in hand with the thinking pattern of struggling to wake up/believing I’ll be tired too. Time is just time. Just as age is just age. Numbers are just numbers lol, but if we define them by/as something else, then we’ll struggle, that’s what I’ve realised here and generally within my process.

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Day 671 - My consumes and don’t consumes.. part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to compromise my body in any way, shape or form through consumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my eating will be ‘boring’ without as much variation as I used to have as basically eating anything that I wanted.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that while variety as consumption is important, does not mean I can’t do it at all (as I’m believing) within my mind now that I am only consuming food/drinks that suit my physical body.

So I commit myself to consume only what works for my body. I commit myself to change it up though often/regularly as the differences so that I can experience different textures/flavours and such through food that DO work for me.

I commit myself to understand that a variety of food with different ingredients, obviously that work for my body, is the best way to go always, so here I see, realise and understand that I can’t just eat 1 or 2 different types of foods/drinks and such for my life – I must still get all the variety of healthy stuff that still works for my own body.

I commit myself though to continue trying new foods/drinks and so to not be fearful of consequences on my body, but here to also use what I know of that works/doesn’t work for my body and what is involved etc to make a best decision for myself.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Day 670 - My consumes and don’t consumes..

For a while I’ve been uh..I suppose been indecisive about this. Very indecisive. That’s a point I’ve worked on generally, to NOT be indecisive and to make clear cut decisions instead. When it comes to consumption though, I’m unsure....

Like, I know what does/does not work for my body. But then the thought that crosses my mind is “Okay, this is not compatible with my body..BUT, in THIS AMOUNT, it won’t hurt, right?” And that is..possibly true lol, yet, I’d rather not ‘risk’ it. These foods and such that I speak of, NOT MUCH of any of them do I require to feel the effects, so, and I did point this out to myself not long ago, even if I have a small amount of something and ‘feel no adverse effects’ – doesn’t mean it’s not damaging me somehow, even in the slightest bit.

Okay this is shedding light upon this for me now. I have been careless with this. For example, what I’ve noticed is fruits, at least the ones I’ve tried, the more sweet-kind, they affect me. They give me stomach aches and I can get dizzy. And I have been eating a such sweet fruit in SMALL-ISH amounts, but, and I’m sure it HAS been affecting me, even if minimally/almost..invisibly lol.

So I see simply that I can, well yes, keep it SIMPLE, if it works, it works, if not, it doesn’t. As opposed to some of this..a bit of that...none of that......some of this..and a bit more of this? Whereas lol, I’m more treating my body like an experiment – when in reality I know what does and does not work, and I’d rather just avoid it totally if it won’t work.

Something I did fear in relation to this is when going to another’s house and for example dinner is served lol. So, here, it’s to either advise beforehand to see if some arrangement can be made...that for example suits my body, or, to eat beforehand/bring my own food, and well, I’m just not accustomed to this yet ha. I haven’t even tried it, but I will be. I won’t sacrifice my body in order to eat whatever is served, ignoring the effects of it upon my body which impact negatively, just NO! I mean, I have seen that my body is quite sensitive. In fact, this could be a matter of simply getting a much better grip/handle on my physical body whereas I’m more in tune with it so am more aware. Lol, I Mean yes definitely in fact, I would have been consuming this and that and just ignoring the effects upon my body in the past, BECAUSE IT TASTES NICE. I would have sacrificed..gladly lol.

More to come.


Sunday, 16 April 2017

Day 669 - Independent redefine part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through my desire to be independent, not include others and so within my mind I believe that this is a good thing for me because I can only trust myself, but in reality I am limiting myself by not including others in something/the decision/path etc – so here I commit myself to look at the moment and identify when in fact I CAN include others so that I can learn more, grow more and make the moment in fact easier with others involved as opposed to just desiring to do it all myself which can in fact become a burden which I know I will regret further down the line all because I wanted to be able to do it all myself and because of my lack of trust at all in others.

I commit myself to share the workload as example so that I do not detriment my physical body and within this I see that I’m doing what’s best for all in sharing a moment, sharing actions, sharing paths which involves others and in fact learning much more and creating much more with others involved.

Independent redefinition is:

To be self-honest with what I can take on or NOT. To know my capabilities/limits at that given moment and to thus act accordingly whether others are involved or not.

Saturday, 15 April 2017

Day 668 - Independent redefine

I’ve looked at this word before, but never redefined it for myself, so see this as the next step since I’ve not been 100% able with this word effectively/equally.

My current allocation of this word is strength, not requiring others, doing it all by myself, being my own person.

The current definitions are “free from outside control; not subject to another's authority, not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence, not influenced by others; impartial, capable of thinking or acting for oneself, not depending on something else for strength or effectiveness; free-standing.”

So I do see in relation to the current definitions, that my current allocation is very much in like with these definitions. For me also, there is this trust factor, where I believe I can only trust myself. Now, GENERALLY I can only trust myself, but when it comes to certain matters and such, I have to be able to put my trust in others. For example, I see a lot that I do not want to put any trust in others, even over something small, like a small matter where I am just lacking any trust whatsoever in another.

So I see it appropriate to trust to an extent at least, and dependent on the matter/who is involved, how well I know them, and then to combine all of these reasonings to come to a decision. Furthermore, I see that this strong desire to be independent with ALL that I do is very limiting, where I am not able to grow/learn as much if I had for example involved others.

So also here, I see nothing wrong with independence in itself. As I said, GENERALLY speaking, I can only trust myself, I can trust myself to live, to do what is best for all, to be kind, to be generous, to treat others as I’d like to be treated, to give, take and share..etc. But it is not effective living if it is done FULLY and without including others.

To be continued.

Day 667 - Too DIRECT with the Equality and Oneness message

So I have seen that this is not the way. Being upfront necessarily right off the bat is not the way. Being too direct is not the way. Talking in detail is not the way. I see how I’ve at times attempted to PUSH this DIRECT message/the words onto others by basically just showing that this is what I’m into, but in this, I’ve scared off people/made them resist. This has been a huge learning curve for me, like how to approach/speak of this/general things within LIMITS.

I’ve at times NOT had these limits and so people resist because there is no SUBTLETY. This is vital I see, subtlety in the message, and obviously within this I would say the best thing to do is to always be SUBTLE, and expand YES OR NO on how the other reacts, go from there, because each will hear the message differently. If they seem interested, share slowly, if they DON’T seem interested, STOP SHARING lol, if they seem very interested, still slowly I’d say. So either yes/slowly or no/NONE lol.

And my life doesn’t revolve around equality and oneness. It only does in who I am as a person/how I treat others/what I say. So it is not about these 2 words: Equality and Oneness – which people CAN and from what I’ve seen a lot do, RESIST. So it’s to simply LIVE these principles without speaking of them DIRECTLY which I see is a great way to do this/initiate things, relationships etc. And for example, once that bond has risen, THEN can slowly bring it up, here and there, then can perhaps mention these words and principles: EQUALITY AND ONENESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be TOO direct/upfront within the sharing of the messages/principles and using the terms EQUALITY AND ONENESS from the start which can be resisted often from the mind’s of humans, so I see, realise and understand that it is in fact best to NOT mention these words/terms/principles and more to just SHOW, as I do in LIVING these principles/terms/words of equality and oneness and then LATER ON sharing the terms/principles/words of equality and oneness slowly but surely as the message/principles and then from there going or not going based on how the individual reacts.

I commit myself to be slow, subtle with the mentioning of the principles equality and oneness and for example what it is I do, how I do it, who is involved etc, and to perhaps NOT EVEN go this far, because it again, depends on the person I’m speaking to of these and if they even show an interest, it could in fact be that I NEVER bring this up, I Must be AWARE of the individual, what they say/do/how they speak/what they speak...etc, and breathe to see how much, if anything I do say about these principles and things and what it is I do and why, about the group: Desteni and such.

I commit myself to always be SUBTLE in my explaining/sharing of Desteni, the message, the principles of Equality and Oneness: basically ALL associated with Desteni, because I must know what I am dealing with, the MIND, and so the likelihood of REJECTION and RESISTANCE is HIGH on the radar...and so I use subtlety, I use patience, calm, slow down, recognise what is happening in another to see what I do/do not share/how much I do/do not share etc.

Thursday, 13 April 2017

Day 666 - Belonging here

All that EXISTS DOES belong here. When I say all that exists, this is from the perspective of humans, of animals, of computers, of internet, of furniture, of housing, of aid, of bedding and so on. So not speaking of the abuse, the hate, the violence, that is all just a symptom of the mind. But all is all is what we are as physical. Thus, none are bad, evil..none are good, great..positive – all are the same/equal and there is never an excuse to blame or to hate, nothing is solved by blame or hate, and all is solved by self-change, self-honesty, walking a process of getting back to the physical and all we ever it should be.

What I find funny and am realising, because with me..I’ve felt within this process that I do not belong. And one reason for that is because I see that I am ‘different’ from others in terms of how I live, what I do, what I want in life, what I want in others, in the world as what is best for all, and so because this is quite different from what the average human for example wants, I see it as ‘not fitting in’ – but each and society, the world is a reflection of the mind, so no, of course I don’t want to fit in WITH THAT, so if I see this same reasoning as not fitting in from this new perspective, then I do NOT want to fit least not with what currently exists – but generally, of course I Fit in, because I am here, as everything is.

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

Day 665 - Judging my words and formations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the formation of the letters/words and how/what exactly I say within writing/self-forgiveness etc whereas I end up deleting it/not publishing it online because I read it back and believe it doesn’t make sense, when it does make sense which is why I wrote it in the first place/as breath – within this though I see, realise and understand that I CAN improve on my writings where I write differently/more specifically/with more know-how as bettering myself faster/more effectively, BUT this does not render my previous writings as ‘useless’ in any way, shape or form, it is just a matter of improvement as I am doing each moment through practical application/breath and generally as process and walking as process.

When and as I see myself in the moment of writing my self-forgiveness etc and JUDGING IT as not making sense, weird, odd, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that I have WRITTEN IT for a reason because it made sense to me, and if it apparently ‘no longer makes sense’ then it is of my MIND, because here I see, realise and understand that this judgment always comes AFTER I’ve written it out and never AT THE TIME of the writing where again, it’s what I see is best/necessary at the time simply, so then it’s good to go so to speak and good to be published or whatever I want to do with said writing.

I commit myself to WRITE as BREATH and keep WRITING until I am FINISHED Upon a point and then read it ALOUD to myself and then PUBLISH IT.

I commit myself to within this/at the same time as reading it aloud/looking back upon my writing/previous writings/general knowledge/information as learning about writing and specifying and improving my writing, to learn, to be aware, to see where/how I can improve, though within this obviously not to judge what I’ve done, because for example the only way to improve is to accept what I’ve done and actually evolve through it by doing something in the first place, otherwise I never improve, and I see, realise and understand that I can’t get things down PERFECT FIRST TIME or even second/third time, it takes many times..some things, so I commit myself to give myself the time and the trial and error/opportunity for improvement upon my writings/general life/points and such by doing, accessing, being aware, accepting, improving, because that’s the nature of self, to start and get better always, moment by moment.

Saturday, 8 April 2017

Day 664 - A reaction is a reaction

There are things happening in the world every second that I frown upon...that I find it difficult to contemplate the whys/the hows.../the reasoning as to performing these actions, and then I participate..still.....with anger, annoyance and such, but a reaction is a reaction and the principles as Equality and Oneness is to never react at all, not as emotion or feeling.

Thing is, taking it all the way back to the origin of self is to know of why an individual may do what they did, but it’s easy to know this, it’s programming as the mind that directs an individual. So it’s not about judging them, blaming them and so manifesting reaction as anger and such, because the origin point is in fact programming, so then how to handle it, break the programming through process, through self-forgiveness and such. Jail time/death penalty..torture, they won’t help – abuse is abuse, neglect is neglect, even if we apparently believe it’s for the right or appropriate reasons as a form of punishment, we’re inflicting the same shit onto another and that is NOT Equality and Oneness whatsoever.

We are each accountable for what perpetuates in the world and society, none of it assists in breaking free of programming, only continues it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take/accept everything that occurs in this world/society equally so as to not judge it as negative/positive as emotion/feeling, but to understand it, learn from it, know why it is happening, and basically then just continue my own process and continue doing what it is I do as the principles of Equality and Oneness as what is best for all as what is needed for world/society change in each and every individual on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get ‘caught up’ in an event and such and then the manifested emotions/feelings that ‘usually’ come from such an event happening as despair, sadness, anger, frustration, inability.

I commit myself not to allow these events and such to deter me from my own process, the process that I need, they we all need, that is best for all as the only principles that matter here/within us all as Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to acknowledge/accept each event/anything that happens in this world, to me, to another, to this, to that, to see why it is happening (programming), to learn from it, and to continue my process through new knowledge/information that I can then use within my own process as what is best for all.

When and as I see an event on the news or somewhere or something happen to one and I desire to react as frowning manifestation and/or as sadness, anger, or even the opposite polarity of happiness, joy, I stop and breathe. I realise that any deterrent is just that..a deterrent...something that only I can allow to direct me OFF COURSE and so no longer on course as my process of Equality and Oneness and that in reality is assisting NONE, so there is literally no point to participate within anything that occurs in any way, shape or form and participate within and as the thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions and such, because programming is the simple answer to all the shit that happens within each and everyone of us and so society as a whole and the world as a whole – a simple answer for a stunning amount of abuse/neglect/ well of course as happiness/joy.

I see, realise and understand thus that STABILITY is the only word to live and be as, as principles that matter/are needed – stability as living expression is to not go one way or the other as emotion/feeling, but to stay LEVEL, level headed, straight, on course and so I commit myself to continue utilising my breath, my breathing, my patience thus, to remain here, to remain stable, level, level headed, appropriate, here.

Monday, 3 April 2017

Day 663 - When ideas and solutions are not enough

I’m sure there have been plenty of great ideas/solutions so as to assist society, people, animals, the world as a whole, some getting the go-ahead so to speak to actually become practical/a thing, and others not getting the go-ahead, but they were probably all great ideas or at least partly great ideas. But from my process, what I’ve realised is that this will never be enough as long as we have not SOLVED ourselves. And to SOLVE ourselves is to walk a process of self-forgiveness/realisations/commitment statements so as to change our patterns/programming/directions as the mind, thoughts and so on.

Yes, it’d be fantastic if this step could be SKIPPED, but it CANNOT. Definitely no quick solution. The inner/self-solution is a long solution/process, but there exists no other way. What I love/know of self-forgiveness/realisations/commitment statements is that it leaves NO room for..corruption. If we self-honestly write, our statements are self-honest, we go DEEEEEEEEEP into them, into self-honesty, we do the practical shit, we breathe, it all culminates as SOLUTION, inner-solution, self-solution.

Purifying every pattern within us that allows abuse, that leads us astray, that hurts, that judges. ONLY THEN can we REALLY be trusted by OURSELVES, let alone others, to always do/be for one another, as equality and oneness, where not a single thing will persuade us to do ANYTHING dodgy, such as self-interest as taking a large sum of money for example, or abuse in some way, shape or form. Because a purified being will not do that, because they know better, they give as they’d like to be given, treat others like they’d like to be treated, because why not lol?

I see plenty of light here, because I see the growing numbers that are investigating Desteni and commencing their own process, and it’s very cool to see. The change is happening and people are becoming aware of this fantastic process that is what is best for all, no more, no less.

Purify yourself too!

Saturday, 1 April 2017

Day 662 - Looking into the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the future will not be as I’d like it to be. Within this I see, realise and understand that therefore it’s always vital to create goals/steps that I see that I’m realistically able to attain, so I commit myself thus to create realistic goals to attain and never reach TOO far and thus never sidestepping the smaller goals in reaching an overall bigger goal, because I see that it’s vital to make sure I link my goals towards a bigger goal so that I don’t misstep along the way in trying to reach the bigger goal too fast and/or as being impatient within myself.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand within myself that the future/my future, that there is no ONE way to ‘do it’ or ‘get somewhere’- because it is solely in my hands and I can choose which way I go, that can be for now and of course that can change in the future too. Within this I realise also that nothing is ever set in stone, so changing goals/preferences through my self-change, learning, self-honesty will come up and I know this and so it’s about accepting/embracing these potential changes as I see fit and going with them to create what is best for all.

When and as I see myself hesitant within myself in what I should/should not be doing, where I should be aiming and such for the future, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand as I have explained/written out, there’s no ONE way to go or do something. Thus it’s to make sure that my goals are real, appropriate, attainable, through breath, through writing, and within this, with the money I have for example, the situation I’m in, all of these factors, and within this to NOT be self-judgmental of myself negatively for knowing that I cannot for example currently get to a certain goal YET – the key word being YET, because that can change in the future dependent on myself, so I commit myself simply to embrace what I am/have here in the world/in the now and go with it to create cool and realistic/attainable goals maybe/maybe not in relation to a bigger goal.

I commit myself to understand that I have a life now, and that is the greatest gift I can have now and so any other goals, whilst also awesome/helpful, can wait/can be created and attained at a later stage, but my life is a goal/attainable goal and I have that and at the same time am creating the best version of myself, thus I commit myself to live/embrace patience within myself as self-change, self-honesty, and the goals that I wish to attain in future.

Day 661 - Self-forgiveness on self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question my self-forgiveness as breathing, as here in the moment, failing to see, realise and understand that this is retaliation from my mind so as to attempt to gain back control over points that I’ve released.

I see, realise and understand that self-forgiveness is basic in function and as breath, and that nothing more or less is required as thinking about it and/or additional thinking to ‘perfect’ it on a point or anything of a like, self-forgiveness happens in a moment/as breath and/or as breath is required so as to release the point and that is it, yes it can be expanded upon in that moment and/or in future at some point, but it’s NOT to go back on it or question it, because if it was in the moment and as breath, then no questioning is needed other than as the mind as retaliation/the mind gaining back control/direction over myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overcomplicate self-forgiveness when self-forgiveness happens in a moment/as breath.

I commit myself to use self-forgiveness therefore as practical moment breathing whereas I speak it on the necessary points to release and then move on as breath and/or additional self-forgiveness as expansion, but always as breath and always WITHOUT thought and then obviously to continue living as I was.

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Day 660 - The ‘outer’ of energy

I see, realise and understand that it’s fine, in fact, it’s vital, it happens, to be on the ‘outer’ of energy, the outer of energy participation, which is a vital cog in the wheel of society and how everyday interactions as the mind. It is simply how we’ve learnt to converse, communicate, interact, socialise – as ENERGY. Whether it’s emotions, feelings, thoughts, judgments, abuse, it’s all the same stuff, and it’s all of the mind, none of it is what would happen as the physical body, as all we in fact are and all we in fact were as birth, the mind is of programs and patterns as growing up, as parents, as adults, basically, as exposure of the mind of all other beings from birth to well lol, the point of REALISATION of this.

For me, I’m still working on this point, whereas I am aware of this, sure, but at times I feel ‘down’ about ‘not being able’ to interact, socialise, communicate as ‘effectively’ if I WERE to be UNDER this ENERGY influence/direction/participation. Now, this IS true. I know it. If I were to be totally directed by energy, then I would absolutely force myself to interact and such, but I of course know this isn’t the way to do it, this is NOT what is best for all. Force is never what is best for all. What is best for all is in fact speaking as the physical. To not be judgmental, abusive, sad, happy, angry, annoyed, frustrated, ecstatic, and so on.

Though within this I mean absolutely, of course I can still interact and such lol, it’s not like my voice has been ripped out of my body lol. All it means in reality is that I yes, AM changing the way I voice, and my actions too, it’s all about the starting point, which does in fact change a whole lot about how I am, what I say/do, and as I’ve witnessed countless times, the abuse/judgments/emotions/feelings are evident, like, fucking VERY often in each. Lol it’s funny that in every sentence I can see, hear, know that one of these or a combination is occurring.

And what I’ve seen is that a lot of the time, it can be best to just stay silent and so not participate. If not that, then join in as a cool perspective, and ONLY join in as a possible extension of the interaction/communication if it is obviously not abusive/energy-directed in any way, shape or form. This is definitely a massive learning curve, because as I’ve said/realised within myself, energy can be so so subtle. Sure, I can usually notice it in others, but the harder part can be noticing it in myself. So, I breathe so that I can see clearly if I was under energy or not.

Friday, 24 March 2017


There are times when I do see, realise and understand that I am moving much too fast, and I know this and this manifested thus as mistakes, as errors, which shows that I am not in proper alignment within and as my physical body, I am exiting it/as separation, instead of moving as ONE unit.

I commit myself to SLOW RIGHT DOWN.

Within this, I see, realise and understand that to slow down does NOT mean to be ‘not in the race’ or to be ‘behind’ – within this I see, realise and understand that I have added these negative judgments towards/of being slow and the opposite polarity of being fast as the best way because it gets things done ‘faster’ and ‘speedier’ – but within this failing to see, realise and understand the COST of going so fast as mistakes and then having to fix those mistakes which I understand now ends up taking much longer than it’d be to just be slow at start and thus as chain reaction in all that I do to avoid and/or hugely minimise mistakes/potential mistakes.

I commit myself to rather live the saying of “Slow and steady wins the race” because in how I see this statement in my own interpretation as what is best for all, it is to always move slowly because it’ll mean the most efficiency in my daily life and all that I do as me here.

Thus within this I commit myself to live patience, because slowing down cannot exist without PATIENCE. I commit myself to live patience through using my breath, through self-forgiveness within and as the moment, through being at one with my physical body so that I move effectively at ALL TIMES.

//Note: I spoke these words as another point came up within me, so I wrote this out, then went back to my original writing afterwards.

“It’s not easy.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think this/speak this to myself when struggles occur in my daily life/moment and I feel like it’s just too much for me to handle and I cannot face/overcome this resistance and I desire to instead quit.

I commit myself to understand that the ‘ease’ of process/my life is purely upon and up to ME.

Within this I commit myself to be patient, gentle, kind to myself as I overcome these resistances, and to for example not be hard on myself if I make a fuck up or if it is taking me a long time to overcome resistances/get over resistances as ‘I’d like to’ – I realise this ‘as I’d like to’ is not of reality, it’s only of desires/fantasies, when in reality I know programming of years, many years takes much diligence, patience, gentleness, stability to in actuality overcome.//

I commit myself to live gentleness through the same living words, slowing down and patience, I see, realise and understand these and more living words go hand in hand to be the most efficient I can be, I commit myself to live gentleness through being soft with myself, gentle as the touch, as the feeling, as not to be rough, because my physical body is my vessel as life, and so I thus commit myself to be at peace within and as myself as one vessel – me, here, as breath, as the physical.

Sunday, 19 March 2017

Day 658 - Facing opposition

What does one do when faced with opposition...of any kind, opposition to how one sees something, well, that’s the main one I’d like to focus on. Because generally, we fight. Not necessarily physical and ACTUAL fighting, but I mean fighting for our point, our word, our opinion. I’ve faced a lot of opposition over the years. I used to take offense, I used to defend what I thought/my opinion. I used to get angry, annoyed. I used to hate the opposition, simply for not agreeing with what I had to say. But NONE of these are of benefit to myself or another, they just keep us in this vicious cycle of abuse, of emotions/feelings, judgments and so on, so none are assisted here as I mentioned.

A big change for me thus is being able to hear out another, when it is obvious that they’re opposing me and have opposing views to mine, and simply listening. To me this is amazing, this change. To be able to listen unconditionally, despite how completely opposite for example one’s views are in relation to mine. And in relation to this it can go further or perhaps even into more apparent ‘difficult’ territory where I am getting verbally abused for example, and the same occurs whereas I just hear them out and/or don’t allow it to direct me AT ALL – which means to not fight back, raise my voice, swear, judge, inflict what they’re inflicting to me. This is powerful stuff without a doubt, but extremely effective/helpful, because what I’ve realised is there is so much that I myself disagree with in what people do/how they do it/their views on things, but I can just sit calmly whilst they are speaking these or doing these, and then respond how best I see fit if wanted.

And I see the difference between opinion and perspective, whereas opinion is something not necessarily related to facts, whereas perspective is related to facts. I enjoy sharing perspectives. Perspectives whereas I am sharing exactly what I see in the world, what I’ve seen works for me and others, these are fact because I’ve proven them for myself and/or so have others. It works, so it is fact. It’s actually quite easy to tell, well for me anyway, when one is speaking as opinion or perspective/fact. I can for example hear the aggression, or the defence in one’s voice or see it in their body movements when this is happening, and for example also when I then say my perspective and how they reply to that, for example jumping in/saying something before I’ve finished speaking lol, that’s a good sign of an opinion where one is holding it and defending it so stoutly, that they will not even give me the time of day to speak my own perspective/let alone hearing it/me out.

And MY PERSPECTIVE is that Desteni and the tools that are provided, as well as the wealth of resources/assistance/support is genuine, is legitimate, is life-changing, is world-changing, is system changing, is backed up by evidence, proof, so I strongly suggest that you check it out for yourself, because all that are walking this process will say the exact same as I’ve just said, because each knows it works as advertised, and I know that each can see the self-change that they’ve had through using the tools, resources etc. Simple as that, really!

Friday, 17 March 2017

Day 657 - Respect your elders

I see that this phrase, and others..and generally just respecting people that are older than myself, such a kid, respecting adults, and that their word is best/right, their word is the verdict/conclusion – this has taken a toll on me throughout my life and still does affect and direct me now to an extent, so I have some clearing up to do here so that I no longer fear those that are older than me and what they say and believing thus that their word is final and that saying anything otherwise is pointless because this fear of saying otherwise or even trying to discuss matters with one older than me is pointless. So this is but one example of how what we say to kids/when they grow up etc effects them then and into adult life – something we must all stop doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my elders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that elders/those that are older than me have the best word, the final word, the most accurate word, and that thus within this ‘logic’ anything I say/that I say otherwise is automatically INVALID simply based on these words of respecting my elders and that their word is the best word, which is simply not true in reality, because there is NO reason for anyone, despite the age, to have an invalid or not appropriate or not BEST for all answer based on their age – within this I see, realise and understand that I’ve seen manyyyy examples of kids with so much enlightening things to say and are very wise/smart and can see the ABUSE as example taking place in our world whereas adults do not see this because they suppress and are self-interested – this but one example – but nonetheless age does not define us whatsoever, and thus equality always rules out this age formality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that simply BEING ON EARTH for a longer period of time AUTOMATICALLY means one is ‘wiser’ or can ‘see more clearly’ or well, ‘knows all the answers’ – which again is totally not true. And obviously it depends on the subject at hand, but in the end, no point is invalid or not appropriate, because ALL answers/words/actions and such are capable of being accurate, correct and/or what is best for all, thus I see, realise and understand that there is no pre-determined life that ‘wins out’ amongst any other life.

I commit myself to accept what I know, how I do things, because I see this as the best way of living. I see that I have my eyes/actions set on something massive, and already in the process of doing so, of making a change in myself and others and so the world. I see, realise and understand that what I have to say is of utmost importance, as can be the same for any other, no matter the age, gender, origins, background, state. All are equal at all times, but what is said by each is dependent on THEMSELVES and them as the mind and/or lackthereof directing them.

I commit myself to face my elders as another human being, akin to me, as they are, and to thus speak, action as I would any other life, no matter what it is, how it is. I commit myself to enjoy the interaction taking place and discuss fully, appropriately, WISELY as necessary.

Day 656 - Moving on and up in the world

It always start with me, or to you, with you..and to us, ourselves lol. As I get further and further into process through writing and application, I can definitely say it is so very apparent that it all starts with ourselves. If I am stable within myself, easy. I’ll be fine. I just know it. With every single thing that I do. So obviously it’s so amazingly cool here then that OURSELVES is the ONLY thing we’re in control of, 100% utter control, and so as long as we APPLY, we’ll be absolutely FANTASTICALLY FINE. YAY!

And slowly but surely as process, I’m getting to that point of utter stability. It’s so easy to see, realise and understand the progress. You FEEL IT within yourself. As I have done. I feel it. And it shows in my interactions with others. It shows in how I present myself. It shows in how I stand, in what I do, in how I say things. It’s so damn cool not to be directed by ANYTHING that will definitely set me off in an unhealthy direction/way.

This process is absolutely LIFE CHANGING. For the best, absolutely. This is what you and I need. This is what people on the other side of the world need. And of course what all and each in the world need. It’s so cool to have the answers, to live the answers.

Every Destonian is LIVING PROOF of the possibilities, the possibilities MANIFESTED. Very cool if you ask me. And it shows in all that we do. For example, I’ve had plenty of people notice this and are intrigued/interested/agree with how I do things/what I say/how I say it etc. And you know, these little moments, yes being SEEMINGLY little more like it, they are as I’ve said..being picked up on, and who knows what happens from there within that individual, it could very well be the spark that leads them to becoming a Destonian too. I hope so. And if not, then the constant sparks, like a lighter that sometimes takes a few goes/turns and sparks to get the flame roaring. That is how I see it. All it takes is a single SPARK to start something amazing and awesome in the world and within another. And it’s but the simple equation of 1 + 1 + 1 that will change the world.

It is AWESOME. This change is happening and it won’t be denied. The plethora of examples in all forms is staggering and it will ONLY grow more and MORE. And the internet is a place that is endless. So no need to worry about lack of space!

I’m so thankful for everyone that walks with me and that I walk with  on this journey. There is no other journey like this. This is THE journey, the one that is the star amongst the rough, the diamond amongst the rough – the one that shines brightly in an otherwise dull world.

Thank you to you all, Destonians, I am FOREVER grateful for what you have done and continue to do. Let’s continue this shit! :D

Thursday, 16 March 2017

Day 655 - Speaking my thoughts out loud

This is like having a conversation...except with myself lol. I thought this was ‘better’ than having thoughts in my mind, that basically stay silent and are just backchat, but speaking those same thoughts out loud to myself, as anger, frustration, self-judgment etc is the exact same, it’s just that when I am alone and see that I won’t ‘look odd’ speaking to myself, I do this on occasion. I see that I do it as a form of relief/release, but this is neither of those – it’s just manifestation of these very same thoughts I’m having, manifested out loud for me to converse with.

So it’s just an outflow because, and what I see, is that I’m not releasing these in ACTUALITY as I SHOULD be doing through writing/self-forgiveness etc. So obviously it is the same thing. I generally write about backchats, and so I write about the out loud backchats into conversations too, even if/when they differ to the backchats, because it’s all the same stuff – it all must be RELEASED, obviously so I stop SPEAKING TO MYSELF as my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to the conversations out loud I have with myself as a manifestation of the thoughts/backchats that I have that are the same and/or transform into other points, realising here that ALL must be released through WRITING/SELF-FORGIVENESS etc.

I commit myself to become aware of ALL that is happening to me, because it is showing me things that I must release. None of it is ‘okay’ or ‘appropriate’ – it is all things that requires MY attention so as to CHANGE myself and how I handle/direct myself in the world/my life.

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Day 654 - What I know is required

This is one that I see I am failing at. Or, I try it for a certain period, try as in I see that it is what is best in the moment, but then eventually I go back on it and go back to the same routine. Why is this, why am I not sticking to decisions/choices that I make, when I see that they are what is best for all in that moment and indefinitely? I see that I fear hurting others, because in these instances, it is when others are involved. For example, not seeing one as often because the relationship is not as healthy as it could be/not as effective as it could be – well, this is basically it for me lol.

There are things in these relationships that I’ve been working on in terms of making them healthier/more effective, but when it is still not progressing as much and/or at all, then it’s either to lessen the times of meeting up or not at all. Anyway, I must stick with what I see is best in the moment/for all, and that means to obviously...not go back on my decisions/choices, not to sway AT ALL.

When and as I see myself in a moment when one asks me/says to me if I want to/that some event is happening and I can come along/they’d like me to, I stop and breathe. I realise that IF this does compromise myself/others as what I see/know is best for all in that moment, then I simply do not partake in this energy to accept simply because I don’t want to hurt another. I see, realise and understand that I am in fact hurting another through self-dishonesty, lying, because I’m lying to myself/others and I know accepting this proposal is not what is best for all and then if I do accept it, it is suppressing, it is forcing for sake of apparently not hurting another with the decisions/choices that I make.

I commit myself again to open up about this to others, and this time, to stick with it, because I have opened it up with others before, but then either they forget or think it’s a joke, and come to me asking this and that and when to meet up, and I Just do it, I do it, instead of sticking to my original principles and such in knowing why it is I made this original decision/choice in the FIRST place, so when and as one does ask me despite opening up about my reasons and such as to how often see one, I commit myself to STOP, to BREATHE, so that I see what I originally did as decision/choice and WHY I made it, and just because it seems nice to do at the time and/or I don’t want to apparently hurt another, when it comes time for the moment, it will be suppressed and forced because it’s not what I’d like to do and not what is best for all at the time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am in no way hurting another, it’s just apparently hurting another in what I believe it is they want me to do/say, and maybe this is the case in what they want me to do/say, but if it does not align to what I want to do/say as what I see is best, then it is COMPROMISE and thus it is not what is best for all, it is MAYBE only what’s best for another if my beliefs are correct, but it does not matter about my beliefs, because they don’t concern the practical situation at hand, thus I commit myself to only reply to what is practical and thus necessary in the moment and that means to stick to my original choice/decision of not meeting up with another as often, because it’s what is practical/necessary at the time and I know that this is of best control then and in the long run until/unless things change further down the line, but I come to that line/reasoning when that moment gets here/opens up and/or when anything changes further down the line/into the future.

I also see, realise and understand that it’s not exclusively about the health of the relationship in these instances, but also in regards to perspectives, interests, being on similar levels and such in how I see a relationship and thus how often it happens and such.

Sunday, 12 March 2017

Day 653 - Living here

When we're born, surely we all expect to be ABLE to enjoy life, earth and what life and earth and life on earth has to offer each of us. Why is it then that a simple matter of geographic location automatically shows us the life we'll have? How can we fucking allow this to remotely exist at all, when our fellow HUMAN - exact same as us is not only suffering, but DYING - in conditions that are just...fucking terrible?

I know, we look out of our windows to see beautiful forestry, clear blue skies, nice landscapes, roads, all pristine and well-maintained. What we all require is to put ourselves in these poor countries. Put ourselves in war-torn countries - Both, so we can least to SOME extent. Then when we look out our windows...or makeshift window being a damn hole in the wall, we see the complete opposite of our lovely pristine landscapes back home - instead we see rubble, we see dust, chaos, destruction, we hear planes overheard, bullets, destruction. Not to mention the lack of strength to be able to move or function effectively at all.

Now, I have not been in this position - but Desteni process has more than awoken me to life on earth, ALL of earth, not just the LUCKY ones in my country. I could go to these countries I speak of, myself, but with Desteni process I don't necessarily have to. Sure, I still can and it'd be a huge learning experience, but a huge PERSPECTIVE change through SELF-FORGIVENESS has informed me enough of the abuse in earth/that others are in due to lol - being 'unlucky' - pathetic.

Change your own perspective and see that THIS is truly the only valid way of actual BEST FOR ALL transformation that WILL benefit ALL LIFE.


Saturday, 11 March 2017

Day 652 - Getting back on track with my process

I was not fully on track with my process. Process without a single doubt within me is the most vital thing in my life. Nothing else is more vital. I know how important this is, I know how vital this is...I know how necessary this is – for myself and for others, and for life. And for change. I had not been as dedicated as I could be to my process, and that is NOT valid. This cannot be the way. I was compromising my process in favour of something else, something different, something I Desired, something that did work at times, but also, and the majority of the time did NOT work – which I failed to take into account/do something about.

There was no doubt here that I was not being self-honest within myself and thus in relation to the situation I was in. The signs were EVERYWHERE that this was not the best thing for me. The cracks were showing, and they did develop into breakages a lot, where it seemed to be that I made the correct/best for all decision, but then instead of STICKING WITH THAT DECISION, I went back on it, failing to see, realise and understand why I made this decision in the FIRST place. There can be NO maybes. Only definite answers of a yes or no. And thus no going backs.

Despite my failure to stick to a decision as yes or no, despite my umm-ing and ahh-ing – I see it as no regret, because I’ve learnt from this and that is what is important, for sure. I got past it and am now very glad with the decision that I’ve made. I have immediately seen the effects of my decision and it’s only been a day, well, not even a day. I can see more clearly. I can definitely see more clearly how dishonest I was with myself and others. And I am immediately getting myself back on course – a lot of it to do with this decision I’ve made and STICKING to it.

I look forward to sharing more about my process/journey to life and being back on track in what is the most vital thing one can do in this life.

Sunday, 5 March 2017

Day 651 - Sweeping things under the rug

This expression is basically to suppress. To hide. To not FACE things. Or at least in relation to issues that I am seeing recently. What happened was I overheard someone talking about me negatively. It was fine. I was not upset, I was not angry, I was not reacting. I went over and obviously that chat ended because I showed up. I suppose they thought I was not in close vicinity. So I showed up, and that conversation ended, and a new started with me being spoken to and as if that conversation about me never existed.

So we chatted for a bit, like..1 minute, then I asked about it, if they had an issue with something I did, that’s what I asked. They owned up to it and said they did and why. And I explained my reasons in relation to the negative thing they said about me. I saw this was healthy, because I was willing to open up about an issue that one had with me, and I got to explain my reasons. They did not explain theirs, they seemed to just understand what I was saying and accept it/agree with it. So within this I see, and even overhearing it, that it was an unusual thing to speak of as a negative thing about me. It did not make sense.

So what I saw then and after I brought this up was it was simply what this person wanted me to do/be, and what they want me to do/be generally. Because I am not doing this or being that, the person that they desire me to be and/or that they want to be/are, then they have reacted negatively and spoken about me negatively. And that’s the same impression I got, because they had no reasons/explanations as to why they said what they said about me.

It was fine though as I said. I merely brought it up, explained. It was cool though, they took no offensive because I was not speaking in anger or anything. I was just calm about it and explained in detail why I did/do and/or did not do what I did not do and such, and as I said, they seemed to understand.

Anyway, I’m glad I ‘confronted’ them about this, because at the time I had considered it but was also considering letting it slide, saying nothing, but I wanted to and did. This is what we ALL should be doing, in speaking aloud about issues that happen amongst eachother so we can come to an understanding, a resolve, something. As opposed to sweeping things under the rug (suppressing) lol, because what I’ve seen with this individual is their body language and such towards me is one of resistance, so all of this backchat and what they’ve said of me is very evident in their demeanor towards me. And I have overheard things before that they’ve said of me negatively. So it is a culmination.

It’s cool though, because if I overheard something similar in the past, I DEFINITELY would have just done the same myself in sweeping things under the rug, by pretending as if I heard nothing negative said about me, and acting all happy (fake) and pleasant, and within this also, trying to PLEASE that person by acting upon what they said of me negatively, so doing something different in the hope of pleasing them, but within this also, I’d have anger towards that person, my own suppression. So it is fascinating how this little chain of events and moments occurs and what it leads to within each moment.

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Day 650 - Why is drama so ‘engaging’?

There is drama in reality tv, in general tv shows, in movies, in the news. And we are ADDICTED to this drama. Even if the drama is more ‘negative’ – such as a robbery, death,’s still engaging in a way. So I see that it’s the unexpected, but not only that..also the excitement, something to escape our daily lives that we’ve come to see as too similar..boring.......the same thing, repetitive. This drama gets our attention, makes us happy..excited...surprised.......these things, and then we long for it because it makes us ‘feel something’ – makes us feel ‘alive’.

And I can bring this back to myself in terms of when I first started investigating the Desteni material/walking process, I feared that if me/EVERYONE stood as the principles of equality and oneness, then I feared that life would be BORING, because of thoughts such as “Where is the fun? Where is the joy? Where is the DANGER? Where is the EXCITEMENT? Where is the DRAMA? Won’t it be shit if we’re all getting along, respecting, caring, loving eachother and life? Does the mind not keep things interesting as fear, as anger, as sadness, as happiness, as death..killing.........drama...happenings, whether negative or positive?”

This only goes to show my addiction and reliance on drama. And the boredom I’ve actually been living because of not even remotely beginning to understand my true potential. The potential I can be/reach to become whatever it is I want to be, to do this and that, try new things, and basically not allow my mind to stop me from experiencing what I  would like to experience, but are too fearful because of self-judgements and such.

I am completely wrong here. A world full of each standing as equality and oneness would lol. Amazing I’m sure. Though imaginations and imagining it now is pointless. Best to focus on the now and actually GETTING THERE PRACTICALLY. That is the MASSIVE STEP infront of us right now. That is why I commit myself to this journey, for life. For all.

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Day 649 - Complaining

Complaining is to not take self-responsibility. Whether it’s complaining about things that don’t go one’s way, about the traffic, about someone, about how one feels etc. I’ve seen this within myself, but my excuse was that I was doing it as joking, as sarcasm. But I also saw that this is not so, because it CONTINUED. Maybe a joke/sarcasm once or twice, but if it keeps happening, then there is a deeper meaning in how I see it. Meaning, an actual underlying form of complaining, thus not taking self-responsibility for events and such.

This is an issue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for my complaining.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for the events that happen in my life/what I do/who I’m with so that I do not find reasons to complain as excuses/justifications to do so.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe it is okay to complain if it is a joke/sarcasm, when in reality this constant apparent joking/sarcasm is actually showing me that this is a form of complaining because I can’t let it go or move on from it, it is a constant lingering within myself.

When and as I see myself desiring to complain in any way, shape or form, even if it is apparently jokingly/as sarcasm, I stop and breathe.  I realise that any prolonged ‘joking’ or ‘sarcasm’ is underlying complaining. So I commit myself to be aware of this, even when desiring to say something for the first time, to make sure I am clear in what it is I am doing/saying and of course that I don’t repeat it/say it in another way, otherwise I know I am not taking self-responsibility and in fact allowing events/others/myself to affect me negatively.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that complaining is a form of blame/pointing fingers, instead of taking self-responsibility for my own actions in something/as the result of something.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I can ALWAYS take self-responsibility for everything that happens to myself, to others, in the world, because it is what I’ve accepted and allowed to happen within my life in failing to change myself and be an example towards others.

Monday, 20 February 2017

Day 648 - Accepting sickness

Over the weekend I got sick. Most likely when I went out and I was feeling quite cold, coupled with some friction and such with another. Anyway, despite this, I had acted like everything was fine with me. So here there is this belief within me that because I’ve walked myself out of my mind (to an extent) that I should NOT be getting as sick or even sick at all lol, which is untrue.

As I mentioned earlier, and what I’ve come to realise is sickness can be a combination or one of..or something, of either physical effects (weather/me not preparing enough for said weather) and/or mind points such as anger, being nervous, worrying, stressing, suppressing etc. I do still get sick. And what I should NOT do is attempt to suppress the sickness. The faster I accept it, the faster I can basically allow it to take its toll/do it’s thing, and in the mean time I do what I can to heal my body effectively, through eating healthy, through rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I won’t/do not get as sick now that I’ve walked through many mind points, failing to see, realise and understand that I am not ‘there’ yet as walking through EVERY SINGLE MIND POINT and thus they definitely still effect me, though I can obviously change this through breath in the moment/self-forgiveness when necessary, and through general physical effects such as weather in which I must prepare myself, so within these both, I commit myself to utilise my breath effectively/self-forgiveness effectively as well as preparing for any weather, preparing VERY EFFECTIVELY for any weather here because I definitely rather ‘over prepare’ in a way as opposed to getting sick in any way, shape or form.

I commit myself to accept my sickness so that I can understand that it is here with me for me to then begin the process of healing effectively/without suppressing the sickness in which it’ll take longer for me to heal my body because I am in DENIAL.

Saturday, 18 February 2017

Day 647 - Late/early nights

This is rather basic/simple/straightforward. There was an event on in the city last night that I went to. The event ran from 7 pm – 7 am, or something like that. I did not attend for all of that time, was from about 10 pm – 1:30 am. I had not been out/doing things this late/early for a long time, and I saw how it really impacted me. This is simply not beneficial at all to my body. Even at about 11:30 pm, I was really feeling it, I was very tired, so you can imagine how much more tired I was feeling at 12:30/1:30 pm!

Anyway, what I’ve seen and realised is that I see no point in continuing this or doing this again. When it’s time to rest/sleep, then it’s time to rest/sleep, that is it. Nice and simple. Prolonging that being awake/moving is going to be detrimental to myself, absolutely. I don’t see that the event/anything can be ‘worth it enough’ for detriment of my body. This is the body I Require for EVERYTHING lol, so no, I see no ‘trade-off’ where at times it’s ‘fine’ to let my body down/put it through shit for sake of something/someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it’s fine to put my body in harm’s way if the trade-off is as in this example, a ‘one-off’ – though within this I don’t see any event/thing/person as a suitable trade-off for detriment of my own body which is the most important thing to me as it’s the very thing I require to be here, to do ANYTHING here.

When and as I see that there is an event that I’ve been invited to/that I want to go to and it is at/will go to very late/early hours of the night, yet I believe this will be fine and thinking ‘this time I will be fine during these late/early hours.’ – I stop and breathe. I realise this is just an excuse/justification to attend this event, when I KNOW within my physical body/self that this is going to be a hindrance to my physical body, thus in reality there is definitely not any point to do this, so here I commit myself to come to a solution which is being either to NOT attend the event, OR to attend the event and leave at suitable hours so that I can then rest when appropriate.

Friday, 17 February 2017

Day 646 - Am I capable of being a drawing artist?

Something I’ve always been interested in, was drawing. I used to love looking at all sorts of artworks/pieces. The amount of detail, the effort, the interest, the uniqueness, all of it I found fascinating. And I did undertake 1 or 2 art classes. I see though that I never applied myself as much as I could or well, and the big one is I never BELIEVED in myself to do well or to apply myself effectively TO do well.

Because well, I saw my output and I was underwhelmed. But of course I was underwhelmed, I never believed in myself in the first place lol. My starting point was already one of self-defeat, so there is nowhere to go from there but DOWN. After conversation with another about hobbies and such, I’ve decided to give drawing another go, THIS TIME with a clear stable point where I am not belittling my output or any process of the drawing method/output.

And instead..looking at examples, perhaps tutorials, things like that, practicing of course, seeing what happens, trialling, ERROR-ING (which is a part of this and anything in the world).

What I do love about the process of drawing, or any craft which requires time, PATIENCE. The patience involved. Which is awesome because patience is something that is so necessary within our lives. So how cool is it to do something I want to do, as well as developing patience within myself? Not to mention drawing abilities and all other benefits that I get from having a hobby like this. Very cool I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine/belittle myself prior and/or after working on drawings as self-judgments/comparisons/negative-energy starting points to drawing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the time to draw through breath, and thus patience, effort, learning, researching, so that I can perfect the art of ART.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself/my capabilities to be able to draw effectively. Within this I see, realise and understand that believing in myself to do anything is not necessary, because that is still something external of me, thus here I see, realise and understand that it’s simply then to just draw. Because in reality there’s no reason to NOT be able to draw, other than the obvious things such as not having drawing experience, not TRYING, not DOING. So I commit myself to stop looking for/to beliefs to be able to do/not do something, because beliefs are in fact a product of my mind and thus external/separate from myself as a physical body which ONLY requires MOVEMENT.

I commit myself to look at drawings, investigate, research, to see what is done, how it is done, and within/after this, actually draw, myself. Slowly. Productively. Effectively. Patiently. As breath.

I commit myself to take time with this movement to draw, because time is needed, it is necessary – it all takes time, whatever we do, so I commit myself to GIVE MYSELF the time to learn, to draw, to experience, experiment, fuck up, learn what works/does not work etc.

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Day 645 - Hostage dream

I’ve been having many dreams lately. A lot in the last few days. Whereas previously I’d only have one every few months.
1 interesting one was basically being held hostage. These people came to the house. Held me and some others hostage by gunpoint. I don’t know what they wanted. But what I saw here was the panic on the faces/behaviours of the others, and for me I was just calm. Because I knew that panicking at all would be a detreiment to myself/my position. It’s always best to remain stable, cool, calm, collected, even in the most dire situations. Because the mind of ourselves/others feeds on fear and such.

Anyway, I was quietly telling the other hostages to remain calm too. The gun people took us out to the front yard and lined us up there on our knees facing the road. About 2/3 of us. All neighbours were onlooking. The gun people wanted to make a scene.

I woke up then. It was, as all dreams are, very real.

So what do I get from this dream? I have feared this scenario. With the violence, threats, abuse that exists/happens, and myself being in this position. But it was interesting that I proved to myself, in the dream at least lol, that I can remain stable despite this shit happening to me, and can be a voice of reason for others in these apparent panic-like times, which was cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being taken hostage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being held at gunpoint.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear injury/death.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can remain calm, cool, collected despite this happening to me in some way, shape or form.

When and as I see myself believing that I will be very fearful/scared in this situation, as being taken hostage/held at gunpoint, I stop and breathe. I realise that if this is to happen to me, then there is no better way to be than to remain cool, calm and collected and so avoid allowing fear to be consumed/used by others in an attempt to unsettle me/abuse me and same as I unsettle/abuse myself as fear and participating in fear.

I commit myself to keep cool, calm and collected in possible hostage-like situations/held at gunpoint by breathing of course to keep myself here and to not go up into my mind as fears, what ifs, what could happen, how I will escape etc.

I commit myself to be example of being cool, calm and collected in this situation.

I commit myself to embrace death if it going to happen to me.

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Day 644 - What is my relationship to money?

For most of my life I have not had a high income or a stable income. Moreso low income if anything. Now that I’ve had a steady flow of income, not the highest amount/a necessarily high amount, but an amount that allows me to ‘do’ much more, it’s made me want to look into this point/question. Thing is, I have been spending money, in a way, an uncaring type of manner. I wouldn’t necessarily say going crazy where it’s out of control spending, but spending large amounts or frequently just because I know I have the money and I’ll still have left over money if necessary.

Thing is, there are in fact things I’d like to save money for. Such as a new car. Potentially a house or moving into a more expensive house/room. And even if NOT, if I don’t really have anything to save money for, does not give me the ‘right’ to spend here, there and everywhere. I mean, yes it’s up to me how I spend, but even if not the house/car...there are causes I want to give to, groups that I know are making a difference to/for life/myself.

I want my money to go to these, things that matter/will make a change. And now that I’m writing, holidays to places around the world, travelling, exploring, learning. General activities. There is a lot that I can spend money on to better myself and/or learn about life/myself and enjoy with others. As opposed to spending for activities/things that yes are also enjoyable, but failing to take into considering these OTHER things that I could be saving up for/spending money on that I see are a much better use of my money.

We all have to be very wise with how we use money. Check out starting points, our reasons, before spending money towards anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate my relationship towards money and how/what I spend it on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have money and then spend it here, there and everywhere because I have money, using that as an excuse to spend money without considering what else I can spend money on/what I can save this money for.

When and as I see myself not caring about money, I stop and breathe. I realise that money is life and so that in itself must be taken extremely seriously, looked after, cared for, respected, otherwise I am committing sins against life and abusing life through my careless spending, when I could be and should be spending money on appropriate things as learning, as enjoyment within reason etc. I commit myself to look at my money in my wallet/hold it physically and/or look at the money listed in digital form and USE it wisely though breath, through seeing if what I’m about to use it for is really necessary/something that is best for all life and something that is suitable/appropriate for use.

I commit myself to be equal with my money as it is equal with me in that we look after eachother and care/respect eachother and use wisely/appropriately as what is best for all life.

I commit myself not to allow energy as thoughts/emotions/feelings/judgments direct me in spending LIFE pointlessly/as abuse, because that will set me back as LIFE and restrict me as LIFE as opposed to pushing me forward as spending wisely so that I can continue growing as spending this LIFE wisely.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Day 643 - Writing time is any time

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my morning time/before work to write and believing that it is ‘best’ to use my time after work to write, when in reality, a lot of the time I am very tired/drained after work and it’s best to rest, thus seeing, realising and understanding that when I have time, I write, it does not matter on the day, hour – any time is time to write, and time to write is the change i require in the world and as self.

I commit myself to use my time more efficiently for the actions which I see are most necessary/vital/pivotal in my life and in the world.

I see, realise and understand that writing IS my point of change, thus using time to write is of the most importance in every way, shape and form + I enjoy it a lot as changing myself for the best, as sharing, as expressing.

I commit myself to utilise the time I have in this world/within my life effectively/efficiently as possible, so that being the things that assist me to be the best I can be, because there is nothing more important than that in reality – everything else CAN potentially assist too, but I know NOT to the extent of self-forgiveness, of self-realisations and of self-commitment as becoming my utmost potential in this world.

So I  commit myself to always be aware of who I am in every moment, look at the time I have, and sit down at my desk/computer and write, because it does not take long in any case + I can assign as much time as I want to/need to, to writing, thus I commit myself to use my time well for what requirements I have in that moment and the near distant future.

I commit myself to give my body what it wants/requires – these are most vital, so other than the self-change through writing/physical application, also the food, the water, the rest, the sleep, the sun, because being in peak-shape will allow me to be the best I can be and thus outflows in all that I do which is what I want in life.