Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Day 626 - Not being self-honest

I’ve been self-dishonest, self-deceptive. Not only in regards to one thing, but multiple things that have come to light today. I realise that I’ve been manipulating myself and what I believe to be truth/the case, when in reality it is not, and despite physical evidence proofing my beliefs incorrect, I’ve still for a long time just ignored that in favour of self-dishonest/self-deception.

As I said, it’s been a while, months and months for this particular point. Basically I was not looking after my physical body as I should have been. Finally today I looked again at this, I breathed a lot, I remained steady/stable and I said self-forgiveness. I could not hide from this anymore. It was actually very relieving.

I know that the longer I keep up the act, the game, the lies, the worse it’ll be – couldn’t be any simpler. So I have done myself a huge favour on this particular point, and I will on others too that I come across/that I see I’ve been self-dishonest about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to IGNORE physical/real-based symptoms/effects in favour of keeping up a belief within my mind that suits my desires/my beliefs, what I wish to be, what I hope to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to twist, turn and manipulate FACTS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body in favour of beliefs.

When and as I see myself ignoring the EVIDENT EVIDENCE right infront of me, under me, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that to here no more, no more will I lie, no more will I be self-deceptive, self-dishonest. I realise that this will ONLY have implications on ME, because all this bullshit..these lies, I am suppressing them like hell and they will and have as I’ve seen, taken a toll on my body and me. They have taken a toll.

So I commit myself to quit the acts, the self-deception, the manipulation, the self-dishonest, in favour of self-honesty, which may be, no, WILL be hard to admit, to accept, but there is no other way, because I will GET to self-honesty one way or another, whether I like it or not, and thus I choose to reach self-honesty in totality in THIS life.

1 comment:

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