Saturday, 28 January 2017

Day 638 - A musical world

I’ve always loved music. As a kid, my parents listened to a lot of music, a lot of rock music from the 60’s, 70’s 80’s etc. So I would be singing/dancing along. And that is cool. Is can be enjoyable to dance, to sing along etc. Just some background of my relationship with music. And since then I’ve always been a strong music lover. I have my favourite artists/music, these days across all genres which I can find some cool stuff in, whether an interesting/unique pattern, or singing, something that I am not used to, I like, that can take me by surprise for example, I like.

But for me now, and even in past times, recent-past times, I’ve grown obsessed in a way about what my music collection should look like. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while, that collection as well as the point itself. For example, I have removed artists, then added them again, or individual songs, you know, trying to ‘perfect’ my collection. And in past times especially, it’s annoyed me because I see that I’m spending so much time trying to do this, you know, I’d RATHER be doing OTHER things, more PRODUCTIVE things. And that word sticks out a lot for me here/now, PRODUCTIVE.

I’d rather be writing for example, doing my Desteni assignments and such, thus NOT trying to find the best tunes to be in my library and take with me on my ipod.

So here I still see this heavy reliance on music. And thus this dependency/separation with music. Instead of an equal and one relationship with music, where I in fact choose cool music to have in my library, that I can of course update over time, but not to a point where I ‘require’ this or that, because in reality, I do not need any of this music to ‘be’ or to ‘enjoy’ etc. It’s just something, a method of enjoyment, of which there are thousands.

So I commit myself here to not obsess over this point, and to instead have a healthy relationship to music/what music I have/listen to etc, one where it does NOT direct me, one where I am NOT separate to it, one where I am equal to the music as it is equal to me, a relationship where we get along well and enjoy together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my relationship with music as life or death.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have a one and equal relationship with music where enjoyment happens and thus no separation, abuse, energy being associated with my relationship to music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I Require music to function, to be, to enjoy in a certain way, shape or form or any way, shape or form.

When and as I see myself obsessing over the music point and what I should have in my library, what songs, what artists, and what not, I stop and breathe. I Realise that it does not matter, because music does NOT effect me at all, and thus it is a invalid point or action to take in how I act. Having said this I do see, realise and understand that it is like anything in this world, it CAN be used effectively/in a healthy way for enjoyment, but this utterly depends on my relationship with it, thus I commit myself to create an effective relationship with music where I listen to music that I see something cool in and enjoy listening to for my own benefit.

I commit myself to embrace music that I like to hear.

I commit myself to NEVER lose sight of what is vital within my life, that being PROCESS, and that also being things that I generally want to do. So here, I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose control over what it is I WANT to do in life, over something that I believe I require, like music, where then I am ‘annoyed’ because this obsession of music is directing me, as opposed to what I want to do as my physical body which would be something entirely different. SO here I commit myself to find a balance so that I am always doing what I want to do/what my physical body requires so that I am always stable, here, enjoying, and thus not doing things ‘against my will’ basically as the mind/direction within and as energy in any way, shape or form.

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