Friday, 17 February 2017

Day 646 - Am I capable of being a drawing artist?

Something I’ve always been interested in, was drawing. I used to love looking at all sorts of artworks/pieces. The amount of detail, the effort, the interest, the uniqueness, all of it I found fascinating. And I did undertake 1 or 2 art classes. I see though that I never applied myself as much as I could or well, and the big one is I never BELIEVED in myself to do well or to apply myself effectively TO do well.

Because well, I saw my output and I was underwhelmed. But of course I was underwhelmed, I never believed in myself in the first place lol. My starting point was already one of self-defeat, so there is nowhere to go from there but DOWN. After conversation with another about hobbies and such, I’ve decided to give drawing another go, THIS TIME with a clear stable point where I am not belittling my output or any process of the drawing method/output.

And instead..looking at examples, perhaps tutorials, things like that, practicing of course, seeing what happens, trialling, ERROR-ING (which is a part of this and anything in the world).

What I do love about the process of drawing, or any craft which requires time, PATIENCE. The patience involved. Which is awesome because patience is something that is so necessary within our lives. So how cool is it to do something I want to do, as well as developing patience within myself? Not to mention drawing abilities and all other benefits that I get from having a hobby like this. Very cool I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine/belittle myself prior and/or after working on drawings as self-judgments/comparisons/negative-energy starting points to drawing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the time to draw through breath, and thus patience, effort, learning, researching, so that I can perfect the art of ART.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself/my capabilities to be able to draw effectively. Within this I see, realise and understand that believing in myself to do anything is not necessary, because that is still something external of me, thus here I see, realise and understand that it’s simply then to just draw. Because in reality there’s no reason to NOT be able to draw, other than the obvious things such as not having drawing experience, not TRYING, not DOING. So I commit myself to stop looking for/to beliefs to be able to do/not do something, because beliefs are in fact a product of my mind and thus external/separate from myself as a physical body which ONLY requires MOVEMENT.

I commit myself to look at drawings, investigate, research, to see what is done, how it is done, and within/after this, actually draw, myself. Slowly. Productively. Effectively. Patiently. As breath.

I commit myself to take time with this movement to draw, because time is needed, it is necessary – it all takes time, whatever we do, so I commit myself to GIVE MYSELF the time to learn, to draw, to experience, experiment, fuck up, learn what works/does not work etc.

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