Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Day 654 - What I know is required

This is one that I see I am failing at. Or, I try it for a certain period, try as in I see that it is what is best in the moment, but then eventually I go back on it and go back to the same routine. Why is this, why am I not sticking to decisions/choices that I make, when I see that they are what is best for all in that moment and indefinitely? I see that I fear hurting others, because in these instances, it is when others are involved. For example, not seeing one as often because the relationship is not as healthy as it could be/not as effective as it could be – well, this is basically it for me lol.

There are things in these relationships that I’ve been working on in terms of making them healthier/more effective, but when it is still not progressing as much and/or at all, then it’s either to lessen the times of meeting up or not at all. Anyway, I must stick with what I see is best in the moment/for all, and that means to obviously...not go back on my decisions/choices, not to sway AT ALL.

When and as I see myself in a moment when one asks me/says to me if I want to/that some event is happening and I can come along/they’d like me to, I stop and breathe. I realise that IF this does compromise myself/others as what I see/know is best for all in that moment, then I simply do not partake in this energy to accept simply because I don’t want to hurt another. I see, realise and understand that I am in fact hurting another through self-dishonesty, lying, because I’m lying to myself/others and I know accepting this proposal is not what is best for all and then if I do accept it, it is suppressing, it is forcing for sake of apparently not hurting another with the decisions/choices that I make.

I commit myself again to open up about this to others, and this time, to stick with it, because I have opened it up with others before, but then either they forget or think it’s a joke, and come to me asking this and that and when to meet up, and I Just do it, I do it, instead of sticking to my original principles and such in knowing why it is I made this original decision/choice in the FIRST place, so when and as one does ask me despite opening up about my reasons and such as to how often see one, I commit myself to STOP, to BREATHE, so that I see what I originally did as decision/choice and WHY I made it, and just because it seems nice to do at the time and/or I don’t want to apparently hurt another, when it comes time for the moment, it will be suppressed and forced because it’s not what I’d like to do and not what is best for all at the time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am in no way hurting another, it’s just apparently hurting another in what I believe it is they want me to do/say, and maybe this is the case in what they want me to do/say, but if it does not align to what I want to do/say as what I see is best, then it is COMPROMISE and thus it is not what is best for all, it is MAYBE only what’s best for another if my beliefs are correct, but it does not matter about my beliefs, because they don’t concern the practical situation at hand, thus I commit myself to only reply to what is practical and thus necessary in the moment and that means to stick to my original choice/decision of not meeting up with another as often, because it’s what is practical/necessary at the time and I know that this is of best control then and in the long run until/unless things change further down the line, but I come to that line/reasoning when that moment gets here/opens up and/or when anything changes further down the line/into the future.

I also see, realise and understand that it’s not exclusively about the health of the relationship in these instances, but also in regards to perspectives, interests, being on similar levels and such in how I see a relationship and thus how often it happens and such.

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