Friday, 21 April 2017

Day 672 - Concept of time


I have been starting work earlier than usual/the earliest I have ever started work – on a consistent level at least (a week thus far). The first day I struggled in the morning, I was feeling very tired, struggled to get myself together/ready etc to leave my house to go to work. But the night before this, I was REALLY lol..like, all I was thinking was “Uhh, waking up at 4 am, what a draaaaaag, this is gonna fucking suck!” And obviously that really did not assist when I then needed to wake up practically. So these thoughts that I allowed to come up within me, I allowed them also to take a toll upon me physically where I just was not looking forward to waking up at all so early and when I did, it was an accumulation of the thoughts from the night before – whereas, as I realised the night after, when I don’t have these thoughts about waking up early and it’s going to be a drag and suck etc, I wake up feeling fine, not tired, ready to start my day.

So this second morning as I said, I felt ready to start my day because I was not tired, I was not dreary etc. And what I found funny was that also because I wasn’t concerned with the time at all, I didn’t even REALISE it was 4 am/4:30 am etc as I was also getting ready/eating etc. It could have been 10 am, as I was feeling refreshed etc, so it was very cool and here is just another example of how the thoughts can affect. So my thoughts and worries of struggling to wake up/feeling tired/waking up so early etc as well as thinking about the time specifically as if it was a ‘weird’ time to wake up or an unpleasant time..or simply a time where all should be sleeping lol – I saw it very interesting that these thoughts/concerns within my mind just had no meaning anymore.

And the rest of the week was the same. Didn’t matter what the time was, and it doesn’t matter what the time is, it only matters about my starting point/what I do/who/what I am. And yes I see that goes hand in hand with the thinking pattern of struggling to wake up/believing I’ll be tired too. Time is just time. Just as age is just age. Numbers are just numbers lol, but if we define them by/as something else, then we’ll struggle, that’s what I’ve realised here and generally within my process.

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