Saturday, 17 June 2017

Day 696 - More about the tv

After writing about my habit in turning on the tv for a lot of my life to feel comfortable, to feel at ease, when in reality I was not even concentrating on what was on tv, more like a background sound - I realised further that I have used it, again, as I use the word ‘comfort’ - that comfort as how I used this word was for aiding in my feeling of loneliness.

For example, I mean, basically any tv channel will have humans speaking in some form, so for me that aided in my feeling of loneliness. It aided in my shyness. It made me feel comfortable, like I was with others - I could hide my loneliness through the voices of humans, to find a voice, even though it was still not my own voice, but it worked to an extent for myself.

I see also this worked for the silent state. Because if there is no sound, then only silence exists - and yes that exacerbated my feeling of loneliness and being alone. So here I see I can work with silence effectively and change my relationship to silence. So that I do not require any type of sound to feel at ease/comfortable in any way, shape or form.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a tv/the sounds of humans speaking/sound generally to feel at ease/comfortable and to make me feel like I belong and to make me feel that I am not lonely and that I have no issue with interactions with others as per my shyness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is anything wrong with SILENCE, not a single sound, not a whimper - here I see, realise and understand that in these moments I’m actually more in touch with myself whereas my focus is 100% upon my physical state and I can express/enjoy a lot more in this state, so here is but one example of where I can work effectively with silence to embrace, express, enjoy and BE here.

I see, realise and understand that any loneliness feeling/sensation is purely but a pattern within myself as I do not in fact require to be with others or to interact with others to feel a sense of belonging - here I see, as I said, that this loneliness is but a pattern and a program that I’ve created within myself as an extension of my shyness and also a comparison with others who seemed to effortlessly interact with others and such.

I commit myself to always bring the focus back unto myself because if I am here, stable and clear, then the rest is simple. I will not have issue with interactions, I will not require interactions as a belief, I will not have issues with shyness and communications etc.

I see, realise and understand that I only require me to reach my utmost potential.

I commit myself to utilise myself as best to reach my utmost potential as the qualities that I know I can be and am currently working towards.


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