Saturday, 24 June 2017

Day 699 - What is wrong with me?


I’m continuing from my last blog in a way in where I didn’t get a reply/nobody said anything to me and I’d immediately go into questioning myself and blaming myself for this as if I was the issue or I did something wrong or I said something wrong, basically just pointing fingers at myself and then going into self-judgment and depression, sadness, anger. Now I’m writing about it generally as per when another does something or doesn’t and it impacts ourselves in some way, shape or form, then the desire, still as I said, in blaming ourselves and believing we’re the issue/reason why another did/did not do something and how it affects us in some way, shape or form.

Why does it have to impact/affect us at all though? When we leave something in another’s hands, even to the smallest extent, then we can’t rely on it. Not speaking of having no trust in another or anything, but when we as ourselves aren’t in direct control, then we should be expecting this or that to happen and so things to suit or not suit us. That’s just how it is. I do my bit or my part, and that is it - I’ve reached my goal, my conclusion, I’m satisfied with this - anything that does/does not come afterwards in relation to others is THEIR decision.

And I must accept that it’s their decision. It’s their decision, and so it’s out of my hands, and so well yeah, lol it’s not in my hands and so how can I possibly blame myself or point fingers at me or go into any form of self-judgment and emotions/feelings that follow?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m responsible for every single decision that another makes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realise and understand that EACH make their OWN decisions and that is FINAL.

I see, realise and understand that if I genuinely say or do something that will affect one in a certain way that is NOT best for all, then I’ll know about it through stopping, breathing, realising - but in these instances where I just desire to go straight into self-questioning, self judgment, emotions, feelings - I am just looking for answers within myself, failing to understand that through simply stopping and breathing, I am able to see if what I did as my decision was NOT what was best for all.

I commit myself to accept and understand one’s decision, not necessarily understanding it totally, but understanding and accepting that this is their current decision for whatever reason, and so what they then do is out of my hands/control, though being satisfied within myself that my previous decision or decision in relation was what best best for all, and that is all that is required on my part/for myself, and another too.

Desteni

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